the eye of the Bedlam bride part 1

Recap: Donut gives a recap to her followers. Its spectacular that she was able to make enough money with her fanclub to buy a spot on Faction wars. It makes me wonder if she's effectively an advanced AI with her intelligence being so high.  You know that movie where scarlet johansen is an ai and at one point she tells Jake jillinhall or whoever it was that she's talking to other people and she says she's talking to thousands of people at once?  I wonder if Donut is operating on that kind of unfathomable level.

Flashback:  We find out how Odette got Mordekai's brother killed.

Chapter 1 pg 15

There's a bunch of announcements a out how this floor is gonna work.  You start in whatever area you start in (Cuba for donut and carl) and you're there for 2 weeks.

We are back in time on earth.  You're gonna see things as they were in that part of the world on those dates.  But you cant interact with the people.  Theyre kinda like ghosts.

They act like the dates are arbitrary but carp knows better.  The start date is December 10th so they'll be moving on (presumably to the Bahamas) on the 24th.  Bea and her "friend" flt into the Bahamas on the 26th.  So this whole thing is designed so he will end up seeing Bea interacting with her "friend" during the second half of this floor.

Also, you have 5 spots to capture monsters to be on your team.  I really like Pokémon red/blue as a stand alone video game. I really enjoyed explaining the fighting system to RPG fans that weren't familiar with it.  Im.psyched to see how it goes.

Ch 2 pg 26

Mordecai is a cyclops. 

Samantha can fly now.  Mordecai is freaked out.  They cannot give her that body until they understand what her deal is.  

They go through all their achievements 

Donut opens all her boxes

Ch 3 pg 41

Carl opens all his boxes.

Mordecai does not like how many of the things they got , especially the celestial box carl got, is related to the Gods.

Also Mordecai has an assistant now.

He says dont worry about it so now im DYING to know who it is.

Ch 4 pg 55

They go out into the world.  They keep having people walk into them and their clothes stay behind and they keep walking naked.

They fight a dog monster with a human head.

Ch 5 pg 72

Donut sucks

Shes always running her mouth about how she's gonna kill any dog and most cats she sees.

They find a group of 3 crawlers that are ready to fight to the death because they heard donut say if she ever saw a cat person she would kill them straight away and this group has two prisoners and a nun and the nun is a cat person.

Ch 6 pg 81

They fight some mobs and specifically help the 3 crawlers to capture a monk seal.  Its a seal the does king fu.  And 3 crawlers help.them catch one.  So they each have a kingfu seal.

Ch 7

They fight more mobs together.  Eventually they get to a safe room.  They offer the 3 cralwers a spot.in their guild.  They are not interested. Donut doesnt trust the cat lady and not because she is a cat lady.

Ch 8 pg 102

They watch the recap show.  You really gotta keep your head on a swivel on this level.  On second you're fighting a monster and the next, you're getting hit by a bus.

Samantha reports in.  She had been eaten by a spider lady.  Not just any spider lady.  The titular spider lady.

Ch 9 pg 110

The narrator explains how the card game works 

They spend money to do practice card games.

Ch 10 pg 118

They go into a graveyard.  Theyre fighting all sorta of undead humanoid.  Carl's arm gets frozen.  Thank goodness cat lady is a cleric and heals him.  They twleport to just outside a saferoom.  They go inside the safe room.  Just as they do, carl sees a level 130 tall man.  They open the door to take another look and the boss takes a step inside.

Ch 11 pg 131

The boss wants them to go to the temple and fix his shrine.

The nun is real religious,  and she kinda freaks out whenever one of the game gods are mentioned. Shes screaming out heracy and false idols and what not and donut hates it and wants to get the helll away from.these people asap.

They open fan boxes. Donut gets an auto tune headset and carl gets a massage coupon. 

Ch 12 pg 146

They get ready for the show.  The Valtay that was trying to kill carl via Maggie is here as the syndicate Liason. 

The lawyer is there too and he is yelling at zev and the Liason. 

They interview with a lady named Rosetta.  Theres entries in the anarchist cookbook by a lady named Rosetta.  Theres no way its the same lady right?

Whoever she is, she's pissing Carl off cause she's asking about his dead mom.

Ch 13 pg 156

Omg,  it totally is the lady from the cookbook.  Shes trying to tell carl what to do with the root vegetable that the peace people gave him.

The syndicate liason catches on and cancels the interview. 

Ch 14 pg 167

They are back in the dungeon and they make a run for the temple.  They make it and carl flags a monster on the way.  They have 2 now.

The other group gets a commandment from their god to fix a different idol in the temple.

Ch 15 pg 180

Things change real fast.  

Bbbbbbb boss battle.

There's a bunch of different shrines.  Each god has a pitch as to why you should repair theirs.  But its not a good that convinces Carl what to do.  Its katia.  She tells him about the crown and says there's a god that can help.

Long story short, that ends up being the winning shrine.

Big problems though.  Carl is infected with fighting slug pox from fighting the level 130 tall man that sent them here in the first.place.  carl flagged him.  Up to 3.

Both of the prisoners are being smited by their god.  Everyone but donut goes into the newly created club vanquisher door, hoping to get healed inside.

ch 16 pg 197

They don't make it into club vanquisher because the prisoners God shows up to truly smite them in person.

The one guy is just turned to dust.  The other guy is not long for this world.

Nun jumps in to help and gets frozen.

The guy still alive tells them all sorts of fun things.

1. The nun is a murderer, she killed all the other nuns in her nunnery. 

2. The guys we think are prisoners were really prison guards at a wo,ens prison.

3.  The nuns cat lady race has a taxoplasmosis feature.

Donut wants to kill her while she's frozen.

Carl says no

The nun unfreeze

Just as ths prison guard is about to die she stabs him with a card flag.

Ch 17 pg 206

Two goddesses show up.  One is a standalone NPC, one is a sponsored goddess. The sponsored one is a ultra rich lady.  She gives carl a quest.to kill 5 spiders a day.  Its a fake quest so she can communicate with him without any monitoring. She has a plan for katia and donut to both make it to the 12th floor.  She says ask mordekai about her.  

Ch 18 pg 216

Carl asks mordekai about her and mordekai says to do whatever she says.

Carl goes into club vanquisher.   They do not like people that are here on god exceptions.   He can only go directly to the healer and he has to have an escort the whole time.  

His escort is a cleric of his God.  He takes him to said God's temple and washes Carl's feet.  In the midst of said foot washing carl realizes this isn't an ,NPC, this is THE AI.  in cas you didnt know, the AI is horny for Carl's feet.

Carl goes to the healer and gets his slug pox healed.

Ch 19 pg 229

They go back to the saferoom and have a long hard talk with katia about what theyre gonna do.  Katia has an assassination qiest for the asistant manager of Da club and if she does it, she'll get to jump to the 12th floor, avoiding the 9th floor thing where she'd have to kill donut.

Ch 20 pg 241

Carl tells donut to leave  catwoman alone.  Problem,  donut has been chatting hateful sh8t at catwoman pretty much nonstop. 

God damn it donut

They're gonna meet with the other war people to talk over the terms of the war.

Did I mention that odette thinks that she's gonna be able to negotiate that everyone on the war council so that everyone related to the war will be protected?  Rich lady that's sponsoring the 2nd lady God says she specifically had made odette believe that when in reality she's gonna get it so that no one has protection. I wonder if she's trying to kill oddette.

Also, mordecai has "hired " a bunch of changeling npc kids to be his "assistants" semi guess they don't die.  

I don't really understand how this is just a thing now.  I would think that any of those npcs from the 3rd floor that were transported to the 6th floor that didn't make it to the 9th floor would have been dead at the beginning of the 7th floor.

Ch 21 pg 249

They go to the war council meeting.  It's mostly donut making fun of people.

Out of nowhere one of the guys on the council's mom shows up.  But it's not really her, it's an NPC pretending to be her.

Ch 22 pg 263

Its juicebox.  She  "kills" a bunch of war council people. They're gonna regenerate tomorrow and discuss more. 

Why is juicebox doing this? She's campaigning for npc rights.  She wants there to be an Npc army.

Ch 23 pg 277

All their friends are at the desperate club and they talk about their feelings a little.  Katia and Carl chat about their assasination plan. You know they're gonna do it cause the book is called dungeon crawler Carl.  But right now it looks kinda hopeless.  They have to kill her and then take her body up to the assassin guild, which is accessed via a secret door in the Male strip club.  Carl goes to check it out.

Ch 24 pg 287

They go back out to the fake Havana.  The crabs have had enough.  They are attacking the seals enmasse. Pick a side.  The seals are obviously good, the crabs are obviously bad and if you dont pick a side its even worse as the entirety of Cuba will likely be destroyed in the war to come.

Ch 25 pg 295

They flag a krab.  The funny part is that he's talking to himself like hes trying to get all psyched up to fight the seals.  He's standing on top of a semi truck container.  Donut casts hole and he goes into the container.  Carl uses a phase through walls potion.  There's a lot of warning about how these work.  You can only go through inorganic material.  So its really limiting.  But in this situation where he jumps into the truck, mushes the crab a bunch and flags it, it works out.

Also, there's an announcement that the ctlady has taken up with the seals.

Im real curious to see which side Carl chooses.  My guess is seals cause donut thinks crabs are gross.

Ch 26 pg 304

They make their way to.samantha and her giant spider friend.  The spider agrees to be turned into a card because she wants to make it to the next floor to reunite with her husband.  

Ch 27 pg 318

There's a bunch of announcements and yheyre all bad.  The worst one is that to get to stage 2 you have to have a key.   Theres way more people than keys.  So a lot.of people are going to die.

Ch 28 pg 325

Even though she's a card now, carl won't shut up about how the titular giant spider is not to be trusted. 

They go do a test card fight.  They start by.putting out uzi Jesus.  He seems cool.  He's not. The second they put out our titular spider he fills her full of lead and she kills him.  The other teams best card is Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. He's incorporial until you kill tha other 8 reindeer. After some amount of shenhannegans,  titular spider turns all the reindeer blind and insane and they kill each other. Then she jumps on Rudolph and tears him in 2 and eats his guts.

Also, Carl feels like titular spider is doing something to him.  

Ch 29 pg 336

They do more practice card fighting.  They pretty much always win easily because they summon titular spider lady and she just destroys anything in her path.  But largely nothing else goes well. Neother Uzi Jesus nor big disease guy follow orders.  their second best card is the crab, but he has no self confidence and all the other cards bully him. 

They finally get to a card match that's an even fight and they get destroyed becuase donut straight up sucks at this game.  

Ch 30 pg 349

They go to the desperado club and Katia is detoxing from the four drugs she's addicted to.   Carl doesnt have time for this.  They have to do their assasination NOW!!!  Everyone is pissed off.  Maybe they'll start to actually hate each other and then when they have to kill each other to get keys it won't be such a big deal.

.ch 31 pg 358

Carl and katia and Samantha get ready for the assassination. 

Ch 32 pg 366

The plan goes to shit before it even starts.  Carl tells some crawlers on the dance floor gtfo and one of them attacks Carl.  Some demon that hates Samantha some how escaped the nothing to get her to try to kill Samantha. 

Carl tells Katia to pull the plug.

Katia is all, you only get one shot and im not throwing away my shot.

.

Ch 33 pg 38

gun, with occasional music

Ch 1

Main character is named Metcalf. Like Eric from support. Metcalf is a PI.  He was hired by Maynard Stanhunt to rough up his wife and convince her to go home of maybe even drag her home.  Metcalf hates that, so he quit that job.   Now Maynard Stanhunt is dead.

Someone is in Metcalf's office.  Probably to hire him in relation to Maynard Stanhunt's death.

Wb: They don't imprison criminals in thus world,  they freeze them.

Ch 2

Orton Angwine is the someone. Metcalf 's first name is Conrad.  Conrad is a professional pain in the ass.

Wb: people don't talk to strangers here and everyone has a karma card.  If you've done things the society deems good, you have a lot of karma points on your card.  If you do things the inquisitors decide are bad, you have less.

Orton has 0 karma points. Its because he is accused of killing Maynard Stanhunt. I guess they take away your karma points before your trial.

Metcalf wants no part of it.  It's bad enough he worked for a guy that got killed. He's sure the inquisitors are probably gonna f8nd a way to punish him for that. If he takes Orton's case he could just as likely end up with 0 Karma points.

Orton goes so far as to say, help me Conrad Metcalf,  you're my only hope.  Metcalf doesn't care.  He suggests memory erasing drugs.  Orton leaves. Metcalf does drugs all my himself.

Ch 3

Metcalf decides to go to Stanhunt's office.  The front desk lady tells him to take a hike.  He tells her hes gonna be back in 2 hours and Stanhunt's business partner Dr Testafer better be ready for him.

I got the impression hes trying to imply he had blackmail material and if he doesnt get compensated for it, the world will know Stanhunt's dirty laundry. 

The inquisition is downstairs and they doc Metcalf 15 karma points.

Now Metcalf has to come up with a plan.  He has no idea what hes going.to say to the doctor in 2 hours.

There's a fun backstory about how his genitals are dysfunctional becuase he did a nerve swap with his former girlfriend and she bailed before it could be undone.

Also I think the lady on the elevator was a mutated cow.

Ch 4 pg 18

Metcalf goes to visit Maynard Stanhunt's wife. Shes staying with a lady who's son is a baby head and moved out.  Shes replaced him with a mutated cat girl.

Ch 5 pg 27

Metcalf talks to doctor Testafer. It doesnt appear to be very informative. 

Ch 6 pg 33

Metcalf has 65 karma points.

The investigators come by Metcalf's office and hassle him a bit.  They basically tell him  Orton Angwine is a lost cause.  If Metcalf stays involved,  he might go down with him.

Ch7 pg 40

Metcalf likes Orton Angwine becuase hes more pathetic than him.

Ch 8 pg 52

Matcalf goes to check out the hotel where Stanhunt died.  He gets pistol whipped by a kangaroo.

Ch 9 pg 61

Metcalf goes to the doctor's house.  He has a mutant sheep and it tells him stuff about the kangaroos boss.

The sheep and doctor both tell Metcalf hes better off leaving well enough alone.

The sheep is fun, she tells him the kangaroos boss is a lot like Metcalf. They both barge in and demand stuff.  But the kangaroos boss is aware that hes evil.  He doesnt pull punches and thats why hes so dangerous. 

cH 10 pg 72

Metcalf goes to visit pansy green, Orton Angwine's sister.  She tells him Orton has it all wrong, she was never lovers with Maynard Stanhunt. 

Ch 11 pg 82

Metcalf decides to visit te inquisitors office.  His prize is a punch in the gut and getting docked 25 karma points. He's down to 40 now.

Ch 12 pg 91

Metcalf has a fight with the kangaroo and he wins and ye calls the kangaroos boss and the boss agrees to meet Metcalf. He also tells him he's got it all wrong.  

Ch 13 pg 98

Orton comes to Metcalf's office and tells him he went to the doctor's home and saw blood on a door handle and ran away.

Metcalf goes to check it out.  The doctor's sheep person is dead.  Not just dead.  Cut wide open.   This gives Metcalf the heebeejeebees. 

Ch 14 pg 102

Metcalf calls the inquisitors and reports the sheep's death. They say to stay put, they'll send someone.  He runs for it.  Orton is sleeping on his couch when the inquisitors show.  Metcalf feels bad about that.

Ch 15 pg 106

Metcalf gets drugs.  He bribes the drug guy to tell him what everyone else does for the drugs and has him inspect Pansy's drugs and finds it's a drug that's now illegal called blanketrol that's a more powerful early version of forgetall that results in the user turning into an empty shell.

Ch 16 pg 112

He goes to phoneblums house which turns out to be a hologram and his real house is an underground coomplex.  Phoneblum tells him the case is over.  If he promises to mind his own business he will get his karma points back.  He doesn't and he gets knocked out. 

Ch 17 pg 126

He wakes up in his car and goes back to his office.  Celeste Stanhunt is there.  She says she wants to hire him to protect her because she doesn't think orton killed her husband and is worried whoever did might want to killit's back.  She tries to come onto him and he smacks her in the face.  Maybe I don't mind if he dies.

Ch 18 pg 136

He goes back to his apartment where he knows the interrogators will be.  He gets punched in the gut and loses another 15 karma points.  One of them tries to take his license but he strangles that guy for a bit and gets its back.

Ch 19 pg 142

He goes to the architects 9ffice to ask about the plans he found in Pansy 'shouse.  Turns out Phoneblum is their customer.  Metcalf thinks the bunk room must be for baby heads.

Ch 20 pg 149

Barry Green is Patsy's baby head son.  Metcalf tracks him down. Tells him who us father is might be important. Someone has plans of building a baby head bungalow. That means someone cares about them.  They shouldn't be dri king their lives away in a building that should be condemned. 

Nothing in this book has spoken to what year it is.  At the hotel the baby heads are squatting in, Metcalf sees an old calendar from 2008. So its way past 2008.

Also, he is called a worthless, diddlyass jumbo puppet tool.

Ch 21 pg 159

Metcalf goes to visit the guy that had the job before him.  Turns out its a mutated monkey.  He wasn't hired by the husband. He was hired by phoneblum.  He discovered celeste's boyfriend. Phoneblum wanted the mutated chimp to kill him.  He said no.  My understanding is the kangaroo shot him.

Ch 22 pg 170

Metcalf goes t0 visit Penny.  The baby heads are there.  He has a theory, Celeste is their mom and phoneblum is their dad.

Baby head asks again how Metcalf feels about being  a worthless, diddlyass jumbo puppet tool..  Metcalf tells them truth and justice are two different things. 

Ch 23 pg 175

Metcalf goes to a bar that he thinks he can get information from. He pretty much doesnt.  What he gets when he asks about blanketol is a package hes told to take to a drug msn.

Ch 24

Metcalf leaves the bar and the doctor and the kangaroo are outside.  In side, the bartender is angry because Metcalf stuffed him.  Bartender and another huge guy come out.  There's a big fight and Metcalf gets away.

Ch 25 pg 192

Metcalf goes back to hs office.  The inquisitors are there.  The lady inquisitor warns him not to go upstairs. 

They go back to his car and talk about the case.  They are listening to the police radio to make sure no one else is coming. They hear stanhunt on the radio.  Its related to a sex club.  Lady investigator tells Metcalf to get out, he doesnt need this kinda heat.  He says hes gonna go there anyway,  why waste the gas?

Ch 26 pg 200

Its Celeste. She's been torn to pieces.  

Lady investigator and Metcalf go to his place.

Ch 27 pg 213

The bad guy investigator comes and drags Metcalf off to the freezer while lady investigator is still asleep in his bedroom.

Six years later

Ch 1 pg 215

The whole freezer thing is weird.  You go in and then you come out and it feels.like no time at all.

The chimpanzee investigator os there to greet him when he gets out.

Ch 2 pg 220

Metcalf goes back to the chimpanzee's apartment. They drink.  Chimpanzee tells him there's no more private investigators anymore. Only the government ones ask questions. Also, there's only one drug mix and its mostly forgetall 

Ch 3

Metcalf goes to Pansy's house.  She still lives there.  But her mind is empty. if she wants to remember something,  she has to ask her Alexa and it gives her spotty information  Barry shows up a d tells pansy to leave.  He pulls a gun and calls the kangaroo. Metcalf gets the jump on him by telling him Phoneblum is his dad.

He takes the gun and leaves. 

Ch 4 pg 238

Metcalf goes to dr Testafer's house.  

He grabs his memory and asks it a bunch of questions. He's got a new theory.  Celeste didnt step out on Maynard with phoneblum.  She was with phoneblum and he was abusive and dr Testafer helped her get away from him and then he set her up with Maynard. 

I guess this means phoneblum is the murderer.

Ch 5 pg 247

Metcalf decides to go to phoneblums and almost immediately realizes this was a huge mistake just hides and runs away.

Ch 6 pg 251

He calls Walter (chimpanzee,  formerr PI) cause he needs moral support.  They go to the organization headquarters. Turns out lady investigator is in charge now. He tells her the whole story.

Celeste was with phoneblum and had a baby.  She runs away to dr Testafer.

He didnt want her and Maynard to become a thing.  Instead of killing everyone, phoneblum sets up illegal business dealings with the doctors. Mostly blanketroling the lights out of the recently unfrozen to be sex slaves.

Penny is one of these and is hired to be Barry's nanny.  

Somehow Barry went babyhead instead of being a normal baby.  I dont really understand how that happened.  Babies cant go to the doctor by themselves to get a baby head procedure. One of the involved adults must have been involved.  But the way its described its like Barry did it himself.

So we have the much more recent fall out between Maynard and Celeste.  I dont know if we ever got details on that.  We were just sort of dumped into Metcalf telling Maynard he found nothing.

This is where it gets crazy.

Walter was hired to follow Celeste after Metcalf and witnessed her having an affair at the same hotel Maynard was found dead at.  Maynard tries to pay Walter to kill the boyfriend.

TWIST: Maynard is the boyfriend. But hes been a using forgetall and forgets that he's been trying to reconcile with Celeste and part of said was hooking up at this sleepy hotel.

Walter refuses and Maynard tells phoneblum to kill the boyfriend and phoneblum puts Joey on it.  Joey doesn't know who Maynard is, so when he sees Celeste leave the seedy hotel, he jumps in and tears Maynard to pieces.   Maynard effectively killed himself.

With Maynard gone and the illegal business basically done, phoneblum has Joey kill Celeste. 

Ch 7 pg 262

Metcalf goes to see phoneblum, intending to kill him.  But there's no light behind those eyes anymore.  Either the ravages of age or too much forgetall.  He has no idea who Metcalf is.  What's the point of revenge murder if the guy you're killing doesn't even understand. 

Joey, on the other hand, very much still has his wits about him.  Metcalf kills him and steals his car.

Ch 8 pg 270

Metcalf turns himself in.  He figures things suck now maybe they'll suck less in the future.  And if they don't,  cause more trouble and get frozen again.

In a tragic ending, he thinks he's gotten over the withdrawals and might just be clean, but someone offers him drugs he says are his own personal blend and Metcalf goes for it.  If there's a sequel, we can see how he shakes off that monkey. 

butchers mascara ch 39 to end

Ch 39 pg 351

They're out grinding and zev tells them to get to a safe house.  They find a town with mostly dead body of vear people that have been killed by the b8g scary dinosaur Tina.

Ch 40 pg 358

Carl goes to set and theres a teo headed ogre with him.  Its maxim and Dmitri.  Dmitri LOVES cats.  He's bummed donut isn't there.  He was never allowed to get a cat as a kid.  He just got a place of his own and got a cat right before the apocalypse. 

Zev tells carl he has a new sponsor that will be announced as part of the press part of this thing.

Ch 41 pg 362

Carl hates pretty much everyone and everything.

But wait, it gets worse.

A Naga that's pissed off that oddette got to Bae before him tries to b8te carls head off.  9f course it doesn't work cause carl isn't really there.  He declares Carl is cheating and he's going to expose him. 

Carl says he's gonna fuck this guy up.  The Naga is all 'how?" And carl says "like this" and he stabs him in the neck with the pen he's been signing things with and it works. 

Ch 42 pg 370

Zed gives carl a talking to.

The reason the naga was so personally angry at Carl is that his brother is in the blood sultanat that Donut has to kill all of before she can move to the 10th floor.

Carl has so.ething cooking with his lawyer he hopes will help.

Ch 43 pg 375

They open boxes.  They both get sponsor items that protect them from vampires.

The sponsors must know something they don't. 

Also, they get a recipe for the charm animal potion.  The theory seems to be they can use Mongo's blood to use it to charm Tina the dinosaur.

Remember the vampire protection?  They get a chat message just then from Miriam the vampire.

Ch 44 pg 382

They leave the safe room and there's a bear lady and her two boys.  Tina is outside. 

They get a quest update informing them that Tina is on an utter rampage, killing litter ally everything she sees.

Ch 45 pg 392

They message Mariam and she informs them she fought Tina and infected them with vampirism.

So the most dangerous thing they are aware of has become much more dangerous. 

Also, she's doing a spell that reforms the dead body parts of the things she's killed into a much more powerful and dangerous monster. 

They gtfo, using missles to blow up the forming monstrosity on the way out.

The next town is a driad settlement that hates Carl for religious reasons. They make a run for a safe room.

 H 46 pg 399

This potion needs to be made it two steps cause donut doesnt want Mongo to feel any pain in the process.  So the first thing they need from the safe room is a knock out potion for Mongo. They get that and give it to him and get a liter of blood and give it to mordecai so he can make the creature friend potion.

They head toward Miriam and they have to fight a vampire  Ptyradactle. 

Lady Garden

Ch 47 pg 408

They get to Miriam,  she explains that an elite NPC vampire hunter attacked them.  They came up with a plan to heal Mariam and kill the elite NPC at the same time. Propente was going to use a spell to transfer her vampirism to the npc and kill him, thus healing everyone that had become vampires from Miriam.

Through some fun spell bouncing, Propente got frozen, the vampire hunter got dead and super spreading vampirism is flowing through the forest.

The current plan is this, wait for the sun to come up and kill Mariam.  Then heal Propente and make sure he's OK.  He will be list without Mariam but Mariam knows carl is a good person and will take care of him a d her other 9 goats.

Ch 48 418

There's a whole system wide announcement that There's 50 creatures made of reanimated body parts out in the level.  Its up to everyone,  crawlers,  hunters and NPCs to make sure they all die today.  Becuase if they don't their power skyrockets  in the night and the result will likely be the death of everyone on the floor.

They cure propente. Carl is overwhelmed thinking about his mom's death for a bit.  But propente had a cralwer killer ring and when he takes it off and drops it to the ground carl snaps out of it and starts scheming as to how he can get that ring.  But the Propente eats the ring.

Ch 49 pg 425

Mongo and his lady love are reunited as donut uses the charm creature spell to charm Tiki, the leader of the mongolady type dinosaur army.

Prepotente gets a poison sprayer from his sponsor.  He gets on the giant flying goat and flies odd to get revenge for Miriam by killing all the plant monsters.

Ch 50 pg 434

Everyone is trying to do what Prepotente is doing.  Carl has built a bomb that's kinda like a bug sprayer he got out of the anarchists cookbook.

The whole floor is really getting after it.  They're already down to 38 of these things.

Ch 51 pg 440

They go to take out one of these things and someone else takes them out.  The someone else is elves from the Signet story line.  They talk about how carl and donut must attend the ball.  The main talker isn't an elf, its the main elf's pet.  

As a rel FU move, it shoots mongo and donut jumps out front to take the bullet for him.  Her cockroach ability saves her.  Carl heals her.  She heals mongo and kiwi.

They seem to really be trying to kill people off so their team mates are really distracted. 

Then it gets worse.  Donut sees who it is.  Its Ferdinand. They brought back donuts lover to be her enemy. 

Ch 52 pg 452

Carl hasn't gone to the desperado club this floor because he doesn't know what to do about juice box and the rest of the shape shifters.

Seeing donut so close to death he wants to take the stairs to the next floor.  He immediately tells Katia hes leaving and so should everyone else.

Donut is hanging tough.  She wants to see this floor out.  Also, having a sh8tty ex is good motivation for singers.  She's gonna be great just like Adele and Taylor swift. 

This whole having charmed the head dinosaur thing is a cause of constant anxiety.   Kiwi comes back with the rest of the dinosaurs.  This includes Tina the Alosaurus. Tina's dot is still red, but she doesn't immediately eat donut and Carl.  So we will call that a success.  I forgot that the whole dinosaur thing is footloose.  They used to be people but it was against the law to dance, but they danced anyway and Tina was the best dancer so as punishment she got turned into the biggest dinosaur.

Donuts idea is that if they hold a dance recital and that will magically turn them back maybe?

There's an announcement that they failed the quest.  Not only do they have to deal with the things they didn't finish killing, who are WAY more powerful at night, but they have an extra meter to track how much killing you've done.  Not enough?  You get teleported to a "random" spot. Also, starting at the spot of the remaining bad guys, which is up north next to the hunter town, impenetrable Thorned venemous vines will start growing.  They will overrun the towns and kill everyone that touches them. 

A hunter shows up 

Tina wants to eat him.

Kiwi tells her no.

Tina throws a temper tantrum.

But she doesn't eat anyone, so, again, I'm declaring success here.

Ch 53 pg 463

Carl pumps the hunter for info.

The hunter thinks the reason the AI is cracking so early is that it's a used AI from a previous crawl.  That's VERY against the law, but it happens from time to time.  Nobody ever blows the whistle on it cause they don't want to lose out on all that crawl money.

Carl stomps this guy to death.

Ch 54 pg 468

Donut compliments Carl on choosing to use his feet to kill the hunter.  If the AI is crazy, better do whatever you can to make it like you.

Carl chats with Katia to tell her hes not leaving and hed like to be with her for the rest of the floor if that's ok.

Donut successfully takes to the dinosaurs and Tina's dot turns white.  Huge success.

High priority action item.  Dance recital.

Ch 55 pg 473

They meet up with Signet and company.  In case you don't already know, this dinosaur thing is a disaster waiting to happen. The littlest thing goes wrong and another dinosaur kills the alpha and then they kill you.

She also tells Carl that the vine growth is harming the trees.  This is important because the dryads are casting a spell to heal the trees.  If things get really bad, there's a chance that Diwata might get summoned.  If that happens Carl needs to run like fuck because of the whole alter desicration thing.

Also they put on nipple rings they got from the hunter and open boxes.

Carl gets a message from a sponsor that oe of the groups that wants to kill him has sponsored Diwata.  So if she comes back, she's coming with a vengeance. 

Part 4 the butchering

Ch 56 pg 483

There's an announcement about the ball.  

Donut got two ball related applications accepted.  1. Mongo beauty contest 2. Her talent contest singing with all the dinosaurs as backup dancers. 

Ch 57 pg 493

They hang out in their group space.   Bautista has some moth beenie babies that will maybe come up in chapter 62. He and Katia are openly dating now.  Donut makes an excellent joke about how Carl is to damaged by Bae to ever date again.

Propetente comes by and gives donut a potion his sponsor gave to him to give to her.

It undoes transmutati9n.  Probably for Tina so she can turn back into a girl and win the talent competition. 

Ch 58 pg 498

I don't know exactly why, but the shapshifters are in the hunter bar.  Donut blackmails her way in.

They find a shapeshifter and tell tgem the plan.  EVERYONE needs to get to the high elf castle.  Carl is gonna use his fancy spell to transport the whole castle down to the 9th floor.

Also, they get caught.

Ooooh  Weeeeee, not sure how the duke boys are gonna get out of this one.

59 508

Short talk with Orren the Liason.

I kinda feel like Orren kicks ass in this chapter.  He appears to break every rule there is in telling them this is his last level and some other insider baseball stuff and then he lets Carl's lawyer come talk to him.

Its a real grumpy old man turns out to be kinda cool moment.  Like James Earl Jones in the sandlot.

Ch 60 pg 512

Carl is using his automation table for the first time.  So he must have had good news from his lawyer. 

A bunch of cralwers are working together to take out a village that has a bunch of hunters in it.

Carl basically isn't allowed to kill any hunters with explosions because so many of them have started worshiping Emberus specifically for this reason.  

They cant attack any hunters from the air anymore because all of them have antiaircraft guns.

He used the automation table to build some spider robots.  Donut has to launch them and gets credit for anything it kills.

Ch 61 pg 518

This one starts with an anarchist cookbook entry.  I dont usually book report these, but this one seems important. 

Its about a country boss that they fought.  400 went in, only 50 came out. The biggest problem was friendly fire.  More crawlers died from that than damage from the boss.  Then when the country boss died, it left a treasure map and people started killing each other to get the treasure.

This is the 4th town Carl and company have attacked in this manner.  This one is the best executed so far.  There is one really scary spot when a bunch of hunters that worship Emberus and they are being followed by explosive spider robots.  Carl cant fight these guys and theres a chance he gets blown up by his own bomb robots. 

Luckily the dinosaurs are ready and they take out the hunters before the robot spider bombs get there.

But none of that matters. Diwata has been summoned and Carl has been marked for death.

..ch 62 pg 524

Things dont go as expected.  Instead of attacking Carl, the God flies away like superman.  Carl tells samantha to tell them everything they know about Diwata. Its a bunch of sex stuff.  They realize diwata is go8ng to her daughter to have sex to cure her of super gonorrhea. Also diwata does this thing where she can me male and then have sex and then change sex to female and have a  bunch of babies of whoever she had sex with as a male.  So she's gonna have sex with her daughter and possibly have a bunch of her own grand children.

Carl sure hopes not.

.ch 63 pg 531

Signet is there. She wants to attack as soon as the party starts cause that's whats in the script.  The show is meant to have her and all her people die at the start of the party..

Carl says they need to wait until later and they all attack together..

Something weird is going on with sponsor boxes.  5 of them were sent to people with instructions to give it to donut.

Carl has an idea that maybe all this stuff is for the future.  The sponsor is thinking maybe everyone e else will die so make sure donut has this stuff.

Ch 64 pg 538

They are in wagons lined up to enter the titular party.

Carl asks a bunch of questions about the security. 

Signet is in the last wagon.  But its not Signet, its a changeling pretending to be Signet.

Queen Imogen reveals herself to confront Carl.  Shes Florin's dead girlfriend.

I don't remember Florin,   but I expect he will act irrationally when he is informed.

Ch 65 pg 551

They make it into the party.  They are all chatting about their plans.  They learn stuff about how the different levels work and as a result they are now down to plan C, which involves donut casting hole and everyone going down a level. 

Ch 66 pg 560

They're all chatting about their plan

Brittany has a coat made of beans babies that are moths that suck out energy from lights. 

Princess D'Nadia is here.  She is an Empress now.  She's judging the pet beauty contest.

Ch 67 pg 574

Party mingling is happening. 

Brittany releases one of the beany babies and it takes out the warning lights

 I think Florin is my favourite as hes the only one with the compassion to talk to Lucia during this unique situation. 

Prepotenete asks Carl to join their party.  Not just no, fuck no.  Also Carl tells him no one will let him join their party because he will immediately become the party leader and nobody wants that.  He tells him to find some underlings to start a party and he will let that party join the guild.

Signet shows up.  Big surprise.   Zev thinks Carl did it.  Signet tells Carl it was the goddess Apito herself who showed up and transported her to the party.

Ch 68 oh 583

Everyone is freaking out because Signet is here and they're worried shits about to pop off.  She says she will go talk to the pet beauty contest judges because she wants to learn about their off world shenanigans. 

Ch 69 (nice) pg 585

Carl buys stuff with his hunter hands.  

The guy running the stand is the guy that mordecai threw a chair at.  My understanding is that he was there when mordecai's brother died and was partially responsible. 

He gives Carl a warning.  No matter what you do, they're gonna turn you against each other. 

Mordecai really wanted him to get the memorial stone.  Its stored memories of a dead god. But Carl only has 66 and it costs 100.  

He buys the shrink wand, 8th floor lore book, sheet music for the spell skedaddle , some feather fall potions and some healing potions.

Ch 70 pg 596

Donuts beauty pageant show for Mongo is amazing.  They play the song anaconda and dinosaurs jump around and mongo moonwalks.

Ch 71 pg 603

Florin and Lucia are talking.  They hug.  Florin says they'll work it out.

She flips evil.

He explains that she isn't one kid.  She's a bunch of kids. Sometimes a good kid is in charge,  some times a bad kid is in charge.

Somehow the dog is in control. They kill the dog, maybe they solve the problem.

Ch 72 pg 606

The shapshifters are trying to land the baloon house on a castle turret.  It doesnt work out.  They're being killed by rhe elves left and right.  Also, there's level 20 mantises everywhere.  This is what diwata is doing.  Shes having a never ending stream of mantis babies and they are rolling over the outside castle defenses like the locusts from the Bible.

Donut is charming the hell out of Ferdinand. But it works too good.  He leaves his ballroom and comes ro theires.

This pisses off the queen who makes her appearance Wayyyyyy too early.

Ch 73 pg 621

Everything is kinda going to shit.  The mantis babies arre overrunning the castle.  Samantha is in the control room but diwata broke down the door and even though samantha exploded some soul crystals she's still giving birth to more babies.  Theyre filling up the 3rd floor like an overstuffed sausage.  The baloon house is destroyed and bomo and the changelings are being over run.  The plan for him to cast a spell that transports the castle to the 9th floor looks hopeless.

Worst of all, everyone is stuck where they are because the queen is at the party and everyone will stay stuck until someone commits violence and nobody wants ro do that because you get sucked down a black hole to hell.

That is, until Signet comes to Carl and says she will sacrifice herself for the cause.

Carl let's everyone know the plan is back on.  Stage plan A, escape plan D.

He also says he needs to talk to prepotente, so it will be fun to sww how thay checkovs gun gets fired.

Ch 74 pg 638

Donut charms Ferdinand and hes in the party now.

Donut pretty much charms the whole room so they only look at the stage.  Tina's dance involves some wand magic that does more of the same.   The end result is nobody is paying attention to Signet when she sacrifices herself.

Its sledge that has the spell that transports everything to the 9th floor.  Looks like that's gonna work.  I guess, they kinda made it sound like most of the shapeshifters were already dead.  So im not sure who all is still around to go to the 9th floor.

Carl puts on the killer ring and marks Vrah, the mantis hunter lady who's mom is currently inhabiting the God Diwata and having a never ending stream of mantis babies.  Anyway, its Carl's book series so I expect he'll kill her right away.

Ch 75 pg 645

I dont understand it, but somehow the dinosaurs are able to jump off the stage onto the hunter level and kill tons of hunters.  Primarily Vrah.  Carl's ring only works on people that are at full health and none of the hunters appear to be, so he puts it away.

Donut breaks a potion over Kiwi that turns her back into a bear person.  Tina is still an Alosaurus,  but she rec9gnizes Kiwi as her mom.

Carl let Prepotente into their party, making him Carl and Donut's leader so that Carl can use his single personal safe room to.pull out all the feather fall potions so he can give them to the other Crawlers and they wont die.

Ch 76 pg 6##

Sledge succeeds in casting the spell that teleports the castle to the 9th floor.

Most of the NPCs are gone with it.  Only Imogen's elves and the diosaurs are still here.  BOSSSSSS BATTLE.

its a four team fight, crawlers vs hunters vs Imogen and her elves vs Circe Took as diwata and all her Mantis babies.

Everyone falls sooo far to the ground.  The hunters take the worse of it.  Most of the crawlers had feather fall potions and were fine.  Neither Diwata or Imogen seem to be negatively impacted by the fall.

The hunters all die.

Donut uses her laundry day spell on Circe Took, which removes her God armor.  This is a trick Carl learned from the cookbook.  If youve got that at 15 and you target the person, not the God, it works.  Shes immediately killed by her own mantis babies.  They finish killing the mantis babies and now its just Imogen and crawlers.

At this point Carl is really looking around and is a little bit overwhelmed by how many super strong cralwrs ended up dead.

Imogen is super powerful, but theres just too many crawlers and everyone is throwing everything they can at her and she dies.

Ch 77 pg 662

Just like the guy mordekai threw a chair at and the crawler from the cook book warned him would happen, Carl sees the game making everyone turn on each other.  Beating Imogen gave everyone still alive a treasure map and everyone is fighting to get the best treasure.

Most everyone wises up and flees down the stairs.

Fun reveals here.  Donut and Zev's scheming worked so well that they made enough money to buy a spot in the faction wars.  Crazy.

Prepotente really wants the memorial crystal because he has a quest for it.  Maybe he'll end up killing the guy that took it.

Epilogue pg 675

They start the 7th floor in these glass boxes.

Prepotente takes the stuff the spnsors told him to give to donut and breaks the whole floor.  Floor 7 is done. He leaves the party.

Floor 8.  The guidebook carl has for the 8th floor is all about the Bahamas.  So whe. The floor starts and theyre given starting point options carl tells donut to start in the Bahamas. She picks Florida instead.

While katia was killing Eva, Eva got a final revenge by putting the crown donut got at the very beginning of the series on her head.  So Katia is part of the blood sultanat. Probably Donut will end up killing her.

Also, Katia is addicted to blitz sticks. 

Back stage at the pineapple cabaret 

Part 5

Pg 693

where's walter and mascots

the butchers masquerade ch 1 - 38

Ch 1

They take away the formerly titular gate from Carl.

Katia picks the hazmat endorsement 

Donut picks a singer class

Carl picks the explosive expert path.

Ch 2

Carl is immediately attacked by invisible paralyzing mongoose.  Donut and katia and Chris save him.

Mordekai is a lebooboo and he's angry at Carl because he specifically told him to pick the melee fighter path.  

My theory as to why Carl picked the explosive path despite Mordekai's suggestion is that the anarchist's cookbook has a bunch of useful explosive information that he can't tell Mordekai about.

Ch 3

We get a flashback to Carl and his Lawyer.

He's a fun character.  He's a grey alien and he talks like a new york wise guy.

The deal they negotiated was that until they get the titular gate back their mercenaries would get a variety of super powerful spells

Ch 4

Chris and Katia go their own way

Carl buys the advanced bomber studio and donut buys the magic studio

Carl pulls out the doomsday device as the advanced bomber studio allows him to examine such things without any danger they'll explode

Also, he can test out bombing a bunch of stuff virtually to practice out different things.

The downside of Donut picking a singer class is that she's not a good singer

She and Mordekai go out shopping in the hopes of finding something that makes her a better singer.

They do not.

Mordekai sends them out to gather mushrooms he needs.

Instead, Carl has their mercenary Bomo cast his spell to send them to the stairwell in Zockau.

ch 5

They teleport to the capital city they were specifically told not to go to

Carl has setup missles and bombs to kill a ton of huners

Carl finds a drunk hunter

he puts on his killer ring and he marks that guy

he is looking for the mayor

the hunters come here and they kill the mayor and then all the npcs in the city do their bidding for them.

If Carl kills the mayor maybe he's in control of the town?

he makrs this drunk hunter

then he finds a hunter flying around and he uses his toe ring's super spreader ability to inflict his inability to heal before the drunk hunter is dead on them

He kills them with missles

They jump into a safe room for a second as a HUGE bomb explodes.

they go to their safe room and have their mercenaries cast protection on them

they say they gotta go back to Zockau

Mordekai is not pleased

They barely make it out of the city alive and luckily just outside of the city there are helpful crawlers that are able to keep Carl alive.

Ch 6

There's an excerpt from the anarchist cookbook about how mercenaries suck.  I'm assuming Carl read this and then hired four mercenaries anyway.

It's the shepherd lady and her man goat and her demon goat.

Carl killed a bunch of hunters and npcs and hes got lots of reward boxes for it. But he didn't kill the mayor, so that's a bummer.

The shepherd lady and her man goat have a pretty sweet setup where he stacks negative affects on bad guys and they don't even know it and eventually it becomes so bad that they die.  The problem is it's an all or nothing situation and if anything interrupts they get nothing out of it.  But it's gotta be pretty effective because hes level 55, probably highest in the dungeon. He was doing a buff on the hunters to make them drunker and that was working.  That probably helped Carl a lot.  But he was also trying to do a buff that made them angry enough to fight each other and that didn't work at all.

The whole jungle is just covered in traps.  They get to a certain point and man goat days they have to stop and go around.  Carl says he can take care of it.  Man goat says he's useless and should shut up.  Carl uses his power to set off all the traps and man goat gets all pissed off.

Luckily shepherd lady calms goat man down and he and Carl hug.

Ch 7

This chapter is short and uninteresting. They make it to a safe room and get ready for the recap show.

All their hunter killer boxes have the hand of the hunter they killed.

Ch 8

Carl starts this chapter thinking he needs to relax.  Hes got this horrible sound in the back of his mind like a rushing driver and the more he works and the less he relaxes the louder it gets.  So he says to himself hes gonna focus on relaxing. 

They watch the recap show and it's all stuff from the end of the last level.  They talk about the guild system in that it costs 500k to join and it doesn't seem like being in a guild is that beneficial but you can buy more stuff that makes it beneficial.

There's a general sense of unease in the group (Carl, mordecai and donut) about the changes that Katia is going through. She makes a quip that leads me to believe she's gonna try to kill Eve.

They find out the hinter hands they have are useable as chuck e cheese tokens.  But only at the titular party at the end of the floor.  Twist: only the too 50 crawlers get to go to the party. 

At this news, Carl breaks his promise to himself and gets back to work.

Ch 9

Carl has a plan to kill a bunch of hunters by having one of their mercenaries be a suicide bomber.  His name is Bomo.  I don't know how its pronounced.   I've been pronouncing it as Bomb OH.  So it would make sense to have him be the bomber. But donut doesn't want that and has a better idea.  If Bomo is her personal mercenary she can use her clockwork spell and they can send a copy of him to do the suicide bombing.

Ch 10

They get to a village that doesnt allow dinosaurs so they kill the mayor.

They go to their safe room and there's a note saying not to bother with the suicide bombing plan because all hunters are now immune to explosion damage and all the npcs in the village are now followers of the same God as Carl and it would be very bad for him of he killed them.

Ch 11

There's a good reason for the no dinosaur rule.  They attack the village all the time. And they're doing it now.  Mongo runs out to the jungle with donut on him.  Carl runs after.  When he gets there, there's a semicircle  of 40 velociraptors and they're growling and Mongo is growling. But none of them are moving.  Carl picks up donut and slowly walks away. 

The biggest velociraptor pounces on Mongo.  They don't fight.  They make love. ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️ 💕 💘 

Ch 12

Carl grabs donut and runs away.  

Donut is having a panic attack. The Crux is people online are say9ng Carl is gonna abandon her on the 9th floor.  He promises not to do that and she calms fow down a l8ttle.

Mongo comes back.

One of the guards shoots a missle at something.

Ch 13

They find who got shot by the missle.  Its a hunter. He's not moving.  But hes surrounded by white dots on the map.  Its the elite npc signet and friends.  They offer him to Carl.  Carl says to heal him and he pulls.out the ring.  Seems like he plans to do his curse and super spreader trick again. 

Ch 14

I was wrong, carl just kills the hunter to get an extra point in dexterity.

Signet tells him her plot.  To destroy the high elves and the confederacy. 

So theyre gonna go to the two places they were specifically avoiding.  Just great.

Also theres another elite.  Its an ogre named Areson.

Ch 15

Areson comes back with a dead hunter.  He tried to bring him back alive so carl could get the credit for the kill.  But that didnt work out.  He has an arrow of turbo super gonorrhea. Cant wait for carl to use that on someone we hate.

Carl finds a map on the hunter that shows they've split up the map amongst the different factions and they've claimed dibs on specific crawlers.  The Hive and the Skull empire. He sends out chats letting everyone know which hunter groups claimed their area and also who called dibs on them.

Carl gets a long chat from his lawyer. Theyre limiting the number of chats from the outside so lawyer had to wait to get all the info before sending his chat.

Signet's producers are willing to play ball and expand the show to the 9th level.  Carl wants this because it would mean they'd try to keep him alive.  The downside is theyre dragging their feet.  Lawyer thinks its cause they wanna see how Carl fits into the current dynamic of the show first. Another downside, they want 150 million credits.  Lawyer estimates Carl's net worth at around 67 credits.

This floor is signet's home planet.  The confederacy is her people. She's here to get vengence for her mother and set up a stable government. Then after that she's gonna go buck wild on the elves. 

Part 2 the daughters revenge

Ch 16

They fight more paralytic mongoose and go back to town so they can get ready for odette's show.

They get a new sponsor. They're called the apothecary. Carl is pretty sure this is the race that the Krakaren are based on.  And if theyre half as successful as the pyramid scheming Krakaren are in the dungeon they've got plenty of money.  Donut finds out they also sponsored pretty much all the other top hunters.  Shes woried theyre gonna spread the loot too thin.  Carl isn't gonna worry about it.

Ch 17

Samantha, the gemigodess in the severed sex doll.head, wants to come with them the next time they go to Signet because theyre related through marriage and somehow that means Signet can give Samantha her body back.

They get ready to go on the show. Before they do, they meet with Odette in the green room and she tellls them that Beatrice is still alive.

Ch 18

Bae is going to be on the show.  Stay strong Donut.

Ch 19

The actual TV show is a relatively tame affair.  Donut keeps her cool and calmly tells Bea not to such a two faced phony with her next cat.  Bea seems to be mostly out of it and doesn't say much and is just confused.  She doesnt understand that she's not there with them and tried to hug carl and pet donut.

When the cameras turn off Donut l9ses her shit a little.  She calls Bea the b word anf says you're not my person anymore.  Carl is.  Also, knowing how Bea truly is, Carl has always been her person.

This while time odette and zev have been talking about how the timing is so bad abd im like, the hell?

There are announcements that explain this.  1.  The valtray corporation will no longer be sponsoring anyone

 because

2. They now own 51% of the Borant corporation and they'll pretty much be in charge now thank you very much.

Ch 20 pg 182

Donut is actively working with Zev on starting a Borant civil war.

Zev tells them now that Valtray is in control, the odds of them getting murdered at rhe titular bal is 100%  so avoid it.

One of the things Donut did for Zev was to transport a bunch of Valtay Secret agents to the Borant Emancipation front.

She feels betrayed by the Valtay.  She helped them and now theyre gonna kill her and Carl.

They dont tell mordekai about anything that happened on the gameshow.

Work on the town is going great.  1 more day and the town will be able to defend itself and they can move along.

Ch 21 pg 187

Katia is leaving the group,  but theyre all gonna be in the same guild and theyre gonna buy something so mordecai keeps his room.

Carl gets a fan box.  Its a pass to CrawlCon.  He's gonna sign autographs and be on two panels.  He hates it.

No time to wallow, the town is being attacked.  Elves with a trebuche.

Carl has a crazy idea.

Ch 22 pg 198

Carl launches sex doll head at the attacking hunters.  She has missles attacked and she kills one hunter and grabs onto another one.  He summons her back and she has the hunter.  He's from fantasy hunter camp.  He did well there and so they offered him a  unch of money to do this.  Now carl is going to murder him.

Ch 23 pg 206

Everyone comments on how brutal Carl was in the murder. He's done enough murder with the ring that from now on he will get double rewards for doing a murder with the ring.

Donut gets a bracelet that let's her cast fireball

Ch 24 pg 210

Carl finds the trebuche the hunters were using.  It's light enough he can pick it up and put it in his inventory. 

The were creatures that Signet had an army of are were beavers.

Lightning starts to happen.

Ch 25 pg 218

Signet and her group are hanging out at the All Tree.  It's magical and it protects the forest dwellers.  Everyone in Signet's group is a forest dweller.  So when some hunters attack them, they are struck down by lightning. 

There were 2 and 1 lived.  Areson is preparing them for to be sacrificed to Signet.

Turns out Samantha's plan to get a body is stupid. She can take over the dead body of a relative, which Signet is.  Samantha thinks Signet will just die and let Samantha have her body.  When Signet says no, cause DUH, Samantha calls her an ungrateful bitch.  

The other hunter is a woman and still the base hunter level of 50.  Carl starts to feel a little bad about it until in begging for mercy she declares she's a "real" person.  Not a crawler or an NPC.  Carl kills her.

There's an announcement that a top 10 crawler was killed by a hunter.  Carl reaches out in chat and nobody knows who it is.  

They attack the castle to restore order to Signet's mother's former kingdom.  

What does Matt dinnerman have against the Oasis song.Wonder Wall?

Ch 26 pg 231

Carl launches Samantha into the castle.  Shes doing some shenhannegans and he decides its time for him to go in hi.self, but first he has to recall her.  

Ch 27 pg 238

He does so and she brings back a giant frog that they kill with a combination of fireball and mongo and carl ending up inside the wound that fireball caused and finishing off the job.

Ch 28 pg 245

They win the castle fight, but kinda get screwed cause the giant frog was the borough boss, but they killed it before the qiest was announced so they dont get the extra stuff they would have normally received from such a fight.

The were beavers are sad that someone named miss Nadine died.  She must have been an important part of the Signet show.

Also, there's a dinosaur named big Tina they now have a quest for.

Ch 29 pg 252

In honor of miss Nadine Signet gets a new tatoo.  Carl and donut head out to the next town.  They gotta get into a safe room ASAP cause Carl is gona get transported to crawler con pretty soon.  They get to a town and a saferoom a d they f8nd out that Lucia Mar (the 11 year old with two giant dogs that's the strongest crawler in the game and is largely though to be mentally unstable) is the Mayor of this town.

Carl gets transported away.

Part 3

Ch 30 pg 261

Zev tells Carl he's gonna be here for a few hours because his second thing is a few hours after his first thing.  He's losing his shit cause he knows donut is down there and had atleast 1 fight.  He wants to be down there right now.  Zev says hes better off here.

Right before he goes on, his guard asks him to vote for his grand daughter and he''ll let him raid the greenroom.

Ch 31 pg 266

Carl is on the judging panel for kids artwork with an aquatic man and a camel man.  The aquatic man is cool.  He designed the desperado club.  The camel man is not cool.  Aquatic man explains its cause camel man is a has been and is bitter about it.

Aquatic man is so cool he also votes for the guards grand daughter. So cool.

Ch 32 pg 274

The room Carl is in has a super advanced bed and training room. Stuff he wouldn't see in the ga,e til the 12th level.  So he takes advantage 9f 8t and trains up his bomb making and power punch.  It ssupposed to be 16 now, but because 15 is the normal max I guess his equipment bonuses don't count as much so he`ll need to get to what would be 17 before hes actually 16.

This panel is gonna be epic.  The guards are psyched to watch.

Ch 33 pg 283

The mother of one of the hunters Carl killed is in charge.  She talks about the history of 5he crawl and Carl just starts screaming about how boring it is and she leaves and he asks the crowd for advice on how to kill her children.

Ch 34 pg 296

The audience has lots of good ideas. Carl is feeling a little hopeful.

Ch 35 pg 303

This fight is awesome.  Both the mantises and the Borg are trying to kill Donut, Carl and the 11 year old girl.  Did I mention that donut killed one of the 11 year old girl's dogs?

The 11 year old is the Mayor of the town and has HELLA traps everywhere.  She kicks ass.

All the hunters except the main Mantis end up dead.  And carl uses one of the arrows to give her enthusiastic double ghonorea.

The only way to get rid of it is to pass it.om to someone else of your same race.  Theres one mantis in the capital city and the crawlers offer him a deal to.protect him.

Ch 36 pg 316

They ipen a bunch of boxes and achievements and what not.

The funnest one is when Carl hits strength 100 he's given the option to pick a foot based skill and donut knows the AI gave it to him on purpose cause it loves his feet.

But Carl spits in its face and takes a skill that makes his strength go up by 2 from now on.

Ch 37 pg 333

They watch the recap show where donut cuts off one of Lucia's dogs heads with the hole spell.

Ch 38

The mantis account shows up asking for help.  There's blahs blahs blahs and eventually Carl let's him into their safe room and he punches Carl.  It's his third strike cause he previously punched the mercenary they sent to offer him protection. But this guy didn't want protection. He wanted to die in the least dishonorable manner.  On your third strike all your stuff, including your clothes, drop to the ground and you're teleported to the nearest mob nest where its assumed you're going to die relatively quickly.

ch 17 to the end THE FRUGAL WIZARD’S HANDBOOK FOR SURVIVING MEDIEVAL ENGLAND

I forgot how great it is to be able to copy and paste the table of contents for a book report.  Maybe next book on lobby pr something else that I can read on kindle.

Chapter Seventeen 

Adara was right.  The redheaded man is his partner. Ryan Chu is his nane

FAQ: Can I Transfer Things Between Dimensions? 

These dimensions they go to are kinda subdimentions. They're not quite as substantial as ours.  The punchline is that you cant take anything back to our dimension. In case you need some existential dread, our dimension could be a subdimention if another dimension. We could be some other dimension's play thing.

Chapter Eighteen 

I think the cop's name is Johnny because trying to enable his head armor he gets a message saying its has been disabled external and you should stop trying.Johnny.  

Chapter Nineteen 

They make it to the fortress where we think brother is being held.  They picked up an old lady at one point and they tell her she shouldn't be involved.  She tells them she's gonna do whatever she wants to do.  And what she wants to do is help make sure they dont end up dead 

FAQ: Why Does Everyone in Britain Speak Modern English in My Pre-Norman-Conquest Dimension? Shouldn’t That Require an Incredible Alignment of Social and Linguistic Factors That Would Never in a Million Years Align in Such a Convenient Way? 

It just does. 

Chapter Twenty 

Johnny and company sneak to the main building in the compound.  He has his wight unlock the back door by giving it a berry on a white cloth. 

He .makes a grand entrance and the lord of the manner demands he does more tricks.  He does a few and then the lord tells them where brother is.  So thats good.

What's not so good is one of the criminals is there and says Johnny?  Wtf?

Chapter Twenty-One 

Adara nailed it again. Johnny is a police academy drop out.

But I don't think any of us predicted that Johnny was a criminal. The criminals want him dead, not cause hes a cop, which he isn't,  but because he stole from them.

Also,  Ryan Chu isn't his friend anymore. They were friends in police academy but Johnny's a criminal and Ryan wants him dead too.

Chapter Twenty-Two 

This is the chapter where we have to start using names cause theres too many characters. 

The brother, Wyrm, was a trap.  The head viking from the first village,  Ealstan, is shot with arrows in the gut.  Johnny has a flashback to futuristic fighting pits he fought in.  He starts to wreck shop on these fools for a bit.  But he pretty quickly realizes that they're kinda humoring him.  They could shoot him dead with arrows in a second.  What he ends up doing is using his nanites to heal Ealstan.  The head viking at rhe fortress, Wealdsig, is hella impressed by this.  Everyone thinks Johnnyn is Baller now.  He also heals Wealdsig's hand.  

Even the lady/girl with the brother Sefawynn is impressed and she was 💯 that he was a fake.  In the modern parlance she might have said not to bullshit a bullshittr.

Part Two Marginalia 

Part Three: Bagsworth Ruins Everything (Again) How to Be a Wizard 

The book johnny could really use is 

Science for Wizards™

That explains how to actually do all this stuff Johnny knows about that should be impressive but he doesnt actually know how to do.

The key to being a wizard is convincing people that you are one so people will look to you for guidance rather than having to keep fighting your way through. 

Chapter Twenty-Three 

Johnny talks to whatever spirit is helping him.  It says its not in the mood and calls him John from Seattle. 

John has failed at everything hes ever done.  He gets a pep talk from their Muslim friend Yazad. Where he tells him hes a time traveler and  Yazad hilariously calls him powerful, yet stupid.

He thinks, what if I didnt?  He's gonna try to succeed.

Chapter Twenty-Four 

John is having a hard go of it.  Horse riding is hard when you dont have nanites repairing your muscles. Also, he smells bad because he had to wait a day for his immunity nanites to regenerate before he could take a bath.

He and Elias and Sefawynn speak of Woden and the old war and how its worth suffering Wodens punishments and sacrificing for him for the rewards.

The old lady,  Thokk, shows up and John holds back to have a "whats your deal" conversation. Shes "just" an old woman.  But everyone expects an old.woman traveling by herself to be a witch.  This is very fun for her.  She tells John he better respect that its awesome and she makes a great sacrifice when she's with them because she's just an old lady when with a group.

FAQ: Wait. Did I Just Do a Colonialism? 

This part is interesting in that they say the Americas are off limits cause they do what we might call charity work in the Americas to prepare them.for the eventual European invasion. So its kinda ok that your colonizers cause you're colonizing colonizers. 

Chapter Twenty-Five 

They get robbed. It sucks.  John gets knocked out.

Chapter Twenty-Six 

John wakes up in a hut, he finds a loose floorboard so he can escape.

He finds the group around the fire.

He decides to jump the leader.  But as hes jumping, he realizes he might have misunderstood the situation. Elias and Sefawynn seem to be getting along with the bandits just fine.  He gets confirmation of this when the leader turns out to be the real cop Ryan Chu.

FAQ: What If I’m Still Worried About the Ethics of Essentially Colonizing the British Isles, Influencing the Course of History for an Entire People? 

They explain here that if you're a bad person and you wanna do bad things, its your universe, no one else can judge you.

If you're a good person and you're worried you might have a negative impact,  theyve got a wonderful book to sell you with stories of how good people have had a significant possitive impact on their dimensions. 

Chapter Twenty-Seven 

Ryan is playing the part of Robin hood and its going really well.  They're gonna work together to take down the criminal.  This makes Johnny feel a little bad.  He didnt have a great plan, but at least it was his.  Now hes just going along with Ryan's plan. His previous uselessness gives him an idea.  Somehow it will involve ruining his relationship with Sefawynn. 

.

Chapter Twenty-Eight 

Ryan and Johnny put in a bit of a show at the campfire of arguing about their past.  Johnny goes into the forest and talks to his wight.  Earth people are killing the wights. Not on purpose,  but just being near earthlings kills wights.  

Johnny's plan works,  Sefawynn is looking at him romantically again.

(New!) Better than True Life™ Experiences 

Chapter Twenty-Nine 

They talk through the plan and talk about life, mostly why Johnny's is bad.

Chapter Thirty 

Some knoodling here with John and Sefawynn.   He's really feeling her and vice versa. But he knows he cant stay.  This place is special because of its magic and hes hurting that magic.

Part Three Marginalia 

Part Four: No Refunds . 

FAQ: What If I Don’t Like My Dimension? Are Refunds Available? 

NO!!!!!!

Also, your contract includes a kind of NDA where you aren't allowed to say anything bad about them on social media

Chapter Thirty-One 

They make it to the big city and get moving to their appointed spots to enact the plan.  Lots of refugees because vikings are attacking up and down the coast.  John has the sudden realization that even if they won today and all the earthlings died or went home, these people were still screwed.

Chapter Thirty-Two 

The plan appears to have worked.  Johnny's group has success out front, he hears a bell ringing to indicate Ryan was successful inside.  But now the town is being attacked by vikings. 

Chapter Thirty-Three 

.

This whole thing was a trap Ulric setup to get Ryan's beacon and call in reinforcements.

John gets to the inside and sees Ryan tied up.  Someone else is tied up next ro him.

It's Jen!!!!!1!!!!one!!!!

Chapter Thirty-Four 

Jen was Ryan's person on the inside.  She started working for Uric as a midevilest and ended up coming over to this dimension way faster than expected. 

Then her grandma told John she was dead.

They get the portal setup and Ryan and Jen piece out.

Also, Jen was cheating on John with Ryan basically for as long as they've been dating.

All of these people suck.

You know who doesnt suck?  Sefawynn,  she's out there fighting the vikings with her magic all alone.

Chapter Thirty-Five 

OK, she's not fighting.  Shes out there doing boasts. Still scary when there's vikings attacking the city.

Also, Thokk! Is Wodens brother.

Thokk shows john that there's wights every where.  Sefawynn tells woden to fick off and the wights are inspired.  A viking starts to attack her and a wight makes his sword fall to pieces. 

Then the wight makes the Viking fall to pieces.

John moves to attack the vikings. Thokk stops him.  This isn't his battle.  His battle is with the people from his world. 

He's gotta fight Quinn so he can destroy the portal.

Chapter Thirty-Six 

The fight goes badly because quinn has full plating and John just has arm plating.  

Ulric comes in with a couple more guys.  You'd think he'd just shoot John and move on with his plans.  But no, he likes to watch his pee ons fight.  So he lets the fight go on.

John has a sudden realization that he's bad at pretty much everything. But hes great at one thing.

Lying!!!!!!

So he lies. He tells them due to the fun magical probability stuff of this dimension he just guessed the password to bring all his shielding online.  This freaks quinn out and John

Kicks

His 

Ass

John throws quin through the portal to the police station. He destroys the beacon.

Ulric shoots him.

Then Ealstan,  who we thought was killed by Ulric's goons, uses a gun with a goons arm still attached to shoot Ulric to death.

The Wizard’s Burden 

You're a wizard Johnny

- Rubeus Hagrid

Chapter Thirty-Seven 

Johnny has a plan.  He's gonna commit suicide so he doesn't hurt this world anymore.  He jumps off a peir in said attempt.  Unfortunately, the water is very shallow.  Thokk is there to make fun of him.  She tells him he can stay.  In fact, he must stay to protect Sefawynn. His disruptiveness to the wights and and Woden will protect her.  But he needs to keep moving.  If he stays somewhere longer than a month his disruptiveness will kill the wights in the area.

So he and Sefawynn will wander around and have adventures i guess.

Part Four Marginalia 

Epilogue 

This is from Thokk/Logna's point of view.  Watching John and Sefawynn go from town to town telling the story of how they defeated Woden.

Postscript 

About the Author 

Also by the Author Copyright

THE FRUGAL WIZARD’S HANDBOOK FOR SURVIVING MEDIEVAL ENGLAND

Part 1

This guy's not a wizard,  he's a cop.

He makes friends with a lady thats a conn artist.  Her little  is taken by some criminals the cop knows.

He is gonna ride a horse with the conn artist lady and the old man the conn artist lady and her brother were staying with.

Part 2

Ch 11

The cop is bad at horse riding. 

His only useful skill is drawing.

Also, he thinks this might be an england that was taken over by vikings.  Vaguely between 500 and 1000 AD.

Ch 12

Cop thinks of drawing a map of england to try to figure out where in England they are but he runs out of ink.

He hears horns.

There are viking ships.

This is bad.

Faq

There is not very likely to be a universe where Earth's dominate species at this point is talking bananas.  Every now and then they find a dimension with Neanderthals as the dominant species.  But the vast majority they've found are humans and of those most have an English speaking England.  What they've found even more of is dimensions where earth is a barren wasteland. 

Ch 13

Viking ships

Cop is ginna do something about it so they don't kill everyone in the village.

The girl/lady (im not sure about her age) concocts a scheme to make the  oat vikings think hes really an elf with powerful magic and scare them away.

Ch 14

Give or take a bit the bluff works.  But some unseen force is helping the cop.  I'm guessing its a camouflage drone or something.  But in this moment, he'll be damned if he doesnt fully believe its a magic spirit of some kind.

Our fantastic packages. 

Appearantly there are lots of dimensional tourism companies.  

This one is frugal.  But they have lots of avenues for people with money to spare. 

Ch 15

The vikings had a prisoner. They bargained for his release expecting him to be one of theirs.  He's not, he's Persian. He's here to spread the word of Allah,  but he doesn't call it that.  Fun tidbit,  in this dimension the romans tried to crucify Jesus but Muhammad,  our whatever hes called here saved him.  For a short beautiful time Muslims and Christians were cool.  But that....

...was a long time ago. 

Faq

You know how there's criminals the cop knows in his personal dimension?  This chapter explains how this is impossible. 

Ch 16

Cop reads the bits of guidebook he could find.  He doesn't find it helpful.  But he does believe in norse gods now because of a stack of little rocks that keeps restocking itself.