butchers mascara ch 39 to end

Ch 39 pg 351

They're out grinding and zev tells them to get to a safe house.  They find a town with mostly dead body of vear people that have been killed by the b8g scary dinosaur Tina.

Ch 40 pg 358

Carl goes to set and theres a teo headed ogre with him.  Its maxim and Dmitri.  Dmitri LOVES cats.  He's bummed donut isn't there.  He was never allowed to get a cat as a kid.  He just got a place of his own and got a cat right before the apocalypse. 

Zev tells carl he has a new sponsor that will be announced as part of the press part of this thing.

Ch 41 pg 362

Carl hates pretty much everyone and everything.

But wait, it gets worse.

A Naga that's pissed off that oddette got to Bae before him tries to b8te carls head off.  9f course it doesn't work cause carl isn't really there.  He declares Carl is cheating and he's going to expose him. 

Carl says he's gonna fuck this guy up.  The Naga is all 'how?" And carl says "like this" and he stabs him in the neck with the pen he's been signing things with and it works. 

Ch 42 pg 370

Zed gives carl a talking to.

The reason the naga was so personally angry at Carl is that his brother is in the blood sultanat that Donut has to kill all of before she can move to the 10th floor.

Carl has so.ething cooking with his lawyer he hopes will help.

Ch 43 pg 375

They open boxes.  They both get sponsor items that protect them from vampires.

The sponsors must know something they don't. 

Also, they get a recipe for the charm animal potion.  The theory seems to be they can use Mongo's blood to use it to charm Tina the dinosaur.

Remember the vampire protection?  They get a chat message just then from Miriam the vampire.

Ch 44 pg 382

They leave the safe room and there's a bear lady and her two boys.  Tina is outside. 

They get a quest update informing them that Tina is on an utter rampage, killing litter ally everything she sees.

Ch 45 pg 392

They message Mariam and she informs them she fought Tina and infected them with vampirism.

So the most dangerous thing they are aware of has become much more dangerous. 

Also, she's doing a spell that reforms the dead body parts of the things she's killed into a much more powerful and dangerous monster. 

They gtfo, using missles to blow up the forming monstrosity on the way out.

The next town is a driad settlement that hates Carl for religious reasons. They make a run for a safe room.

 H 46 pg 399

This potion needs to be made it two steps cause donut doesnt want Mongo to feel any pain in the process.  So the first thing they need from the safe room is a knock out potion for Mongo. They get that and give it to him and get a liter of blood and give it to mordecai so he can make the creature friend potion.

They head toward Miriam and they have to fight a vampire  Ptyradactle. 

Lady Garden

Ch 47 pg 408

They get to Miriam,  she explains that an elite NPC vampire hunter attacked them.  They came up with a plan to heal Mariam and kill the elite NPC at the same time. Propente was going to use a spell to transfer her vampirism to the npc and kill him, thus healing everyone that had become vampires from Miriam.

Through some fun spell bouncing, Propente got frozen, the vampire hunter got dead and super spreading vampirism is flowing through the forest.

The current plan is this, wait for the sun to come up and kill Mariam.  Then heal Propente and make sure he's OK.  He will be list without Mariam but Mariam knows carl is a good person and will take care of him a d her other 9 goats.

Ch 48 418

There's a whole system wide announcement that There's 50 creatures made of reanimated body parts out in the level.  Its up to everyone,  crawlers,  hunters and NPCs to make sure they all die today.  Becuase if they don't their power skyrockets  in the night and the result will likely be the death of everyone on the floor.

They cure propente. Carl is overwhelmed thinking about his mom's death for a bit.  But propente had a cralwer killer ring and when he takes it off and drops it to the ground carl snaps out of it and starts scheming as to how he can get that ring.  But the Propente eats the ring.

Ch 49 pg 425

Mongo and his lady love are reunited as donut uses the charm creature spell to charm Tiki, the leader of the mongolady type dinosaur army.

Prepotente gets a poison sprayer from his sponsor.  He gets on the giant flying goat and flies odd to get revenge for Miriam by killing all the plant monsters.

Ch 50 pg 434

Everyone is trying to do what Prepotente is doing.  Carl has built a bomb that's kinda like a bug sprayer he got out of the anarchists cookbook.

The whole floor is really getting after it.  They're already down to 38 of these things.

Ch 51 pg 440

They go to take out one of these things and someone else takes them out.  The someone else is elves from the Signet story line.  They talk about how carl and donut must attend the ball.  The main talker isn't an elf, its the main elf's pet.  

As a rel FU move, it shoots mongo and donut jumps out front to take the bullet for him.  Her cockroach ability saves her.  Carl heals her.  She heals mongo and kiwi.

They seem to really be trying to kill people off so their team mates are really distracted. 

Then it gets worse.  Donut sees who it is.  Its Ferdinand. They brought back donuts lover to be her enemy. 

Ch 52 pg 452

Carl hasn't gone to the desperado club this floor because he doesn't know what to do about juice box and the rest of the shape shifters.

Seeing donut so close to death he wants to take the stairs to the next floor.  He immediately tells Katia hes leaving and so should everyone else.

Donut is hanging tough.  She wants to see this floor out.  Also, having a sh8tty ex is good motivation for singers.  She's gonna be great just like Adele and Taylor swift. 

This whole having charmed the head dinosaur thing is a cause of constant anxiety.   Kiwi comes back with the rest of the dinosaurs.  This includes Tina the Alosaurus. Tina's dot is still red, but she doesn't immediately eat donut and Carl.  So we will call that a success.  I forgot that the whole dinosaur thing is footloose.  They used to be people but it was against the law to dance, but they danced anyway and Tina was the best dancer so as punishment she got turned into the biggest dinosaur.

Donuts idea is that if they hold a dance recital and that will magically turn them back maybe?

There's an announcement that they failed the quest.  Not only do they have to deal with the things they didn't finish killing, who are WAY more powerful at night, but they have an extra meter to track how much killing you've done.  Not enough?  You get teleported to a "random" spot. Also, starting at the spot of the remaining bad guys, which is up north next to the hunter town, impenetrable Thorned venemous vines will start growing.  They will overrun the towns and kill everyone that touches them. 

A hunter shows up 

Tina wants to eat him.

Kiwi tells her no.

Tina throws a temper tantrum.

But she doesn't eat anyone, so, again, I'm declaring success here.

Ch 53 pg 463

Carl pumps the hunter for info.

The hunter thinks the reason the AI is cracking so early is that it's a used AI from a previous crawl.  That's VERY against the law, but it happens from time to time.  Nobody ever blows the whistle on it cause they don't want to lose out on all that crawl money.

Carl stomps this guy to death.

Ch 54 pg 468

Donut compliments Carl on choosing to use his feet to kill the hunter.  If the AI is crazy, better do whatever you can to make it like you.

Carl chats with Katia to tell her hes not leaving and hed like to be with her for the rest of the floor if that's ok.

Donut successfully takes to the dinosaurs and Tina's dot turns white.  Huge success.

High priority action item.  Dance recital.

Ch 55 pg 473

They meet up with Signet and company.  In case you don't already know, this dinosaur thing is a disaster waiting to happen. The littlest thing goes wrong and another dinosaur kills the alpha and then they kill you.

She also tells Carl that the vine growth is harming the trees.  This is important because the dryads are casting a spell to heal the trees.  If things get really bad, there's a chance that Diwata might get summoned.  If that happens Carl needs to run like fuck because of the whole alter desicration thing.

Also they put on nipple rings they got from the hunter and open boxes.

Carl gets a message from a sponsor that oe of the groups that wants to kill him has sponsored Diwata.  So if she comes back, she's coming with a vengeance. 

Part 4 the butchering

Ch 56 pg 483

There's an announcement about the ball.  

Donut got two ball related applications accepted.  1. Mongo beauty contest 2. Her talent contest singing with all the dinosaurs as backup dancers. 

Ch 57 pg 493

They hang out in their group space.   Bautista has some moth beenie babies that will maybe come up in chapter 62. He and Katia are openly dating now.  Donut makes an excellent joke about how Carl is to damaged by Bae to ever date again.

Propetente comes by and gives donut a potion his sponsor gave to him to give to her.

It undoes transmutati9n.  Probably for Tina so she can turn back into a girl and win the talent competition. 

Ch 58 pg 498

where's walter and mascots

the butchers masquerade ch 1 - 38

Ch 1

They take away the formerly titular gate from Carl.

Katia picks the hazmat endorsement 

Donut picks a singer class

Carl picks the explosive expert path.

Ch 2

Carl is immediately attacked by invisible paralyzing mongoose.  Donut and katia and Chris save him.

Mordekai is a lebooboo and he's angry at Carl because he specifically told him to pick the melee fighter path.  

My theory as to why Carl picked the explosive path despite Mordekai's suggestion is that the anarchist's cookbook has a bunch of useful explosive information that he can't tell Mordekai about.

Ch 3

We get a flashback to Carl and his Lawyer.

He's a fun character.  He's a grey alien and he talks like a new york wise guy.

The deal they negotiated was that until they get the titular gate back their mercenaries would get a variety of super powerful spells

Ch 4

Chris and Katia go their own way

Carl buys the advanced bomber studio and donut buys the magic studio

Carl pulls out the doomsday device as the advanced bomber studio allows him to examine such things without any danger they'll explode

Also, he can test out bombing a bunch of stuff virtually to practice out different things.

The downside of Donut picking a singer class is that she's not a good singer

She and Mordekai go out shopping in the hopes of finding something that makes her a better singer.

They do not.

Mordekai sends them out to gather mushrooms he needs.

Instead, Carl has their mercenary Bomo cast his spell to send them to the stairwell in Zockau.

ch 5

They teleport to the capital city they were specifically told not to go to

Carl has setup missles and bombs to kill a ton of huners

Carl finds a drunk hunter

he puts on his killer ring and he marks that guy

he is looking for the mayor

the hunters come here and they kill the mayor and then all the npcs in the city do their bidding for them.

If Carl kills the mayor maybe he's in control of the town?

he makrs this drunk hunter

then he finds a hunter flying around and he uses his toe ring's super spreader ability to inflict his inability to heal before the drunk hunter is dead on them

He kills them with missles

They jump into a safe room for a second as a HUGE bomb explodes.

they go to their safe room and have their mercenaries cast protection on them

they say they gotta go back to Zockau

Mordekai is not pleased

They barely make it out of the city alive and luckily just outside of the city there are helpful crawlers that are able to keep Carl alive.

Ch 6

There's an excerpt from the anarchist cookbook about how mercenaries suck.  I'm assuming Carl read this and then hired four mercenaries anyway.

It's the shepherd lady and her man goat and her demon goat.

Carl killed a bunch of hunters and npcs and hes got lots of reward boxes for it. But he didn't kill the mayor, so that's a bummer.

The shepherd lady and her man goat have a pretty sweet setup where he stacks negative affects on bad guys and they don't even know it and eventually it becomes so bad that they die.  The problem is it's an all or nothing situation and if anything interrupts they get nothing out of it.  But it's gotta be pretty effective because hes level 55, probably highest in the dungeon. He was doing a buff on the hunters to make them drunker and that was working.  That probably helped Carl a lot.  But he was also trying to do a buff that made them angry enough to fight each other and that didn't work at all.

The whole jungle is just covered in traps.  They get to a certain point and man goat days they have to stop and go around.  Carl says he can take care of it.  Man goat says he's useless and should shut up.  Carl uses his power to set off all the traps and man goat gets all pissed off.

Luckily shepherd lady calms goat man down and he and Carl hug.

Ch 7

This chapter is short and uninteresting. They make it to a safe room and get ready for the recap show.

All their hunter killer boxes have the hand of the hunter they killed.

Ch 8

Carl starts this chapter thinking he needs to relax.  Hes got this horrible sound in the back of his mind like a rushing driver and the more he works and the less he relaxes the louder it gets.  So he says to himself hes gonna focus on relaxing. 

They watch the recap show and it's all stuff from the end of the last level.  They talk about the guild system in that it costs 500k to join and it doesn't seem like being in a guild is that beneficial but you can buy more stuff that makes it beneficial.

There's a general sense of unease in the group (Carl, mordecai and donut) about the changes that Katia is going through. She makes a quip that leads me to believe she's gonna try to kill Eve.

They find out the hinter hands they have are useable as chuck e cheese tokens.  But only at the titular party at the end of the floor.  Twist: only the too 50 crawlers get to go to the party. 

At this news, Carl breaks his promise to himself and gets back to work.

Ch 9

Carl has a plan to kill a bunch of hunters by having one of their mercenaries be a suicide bomber.  His name is Bomo.  I don't know how its pronounced.   I've been pronouncing it as Bomb OH.  So it would make sense to have him be the bomber. But donut doesn't want that and has a better idea.  If Bomo is her personal mercenary she can use her clockwork spell and they can send a copy of him to do the suicide bombing.

Ch 10

They get to a village that doesnt allow dinosaurs so they kill the mayor.

They go to their safe room and there's a note saying not to bother with the suicide bombing plan because all hunters are now immune to explosion damage and all the npcs in the village are now followers of the same God as Carl and it would be very bad for him of he killed them.

Ch 11

There's a good reason for the no dinosaur rule.  They attack the village all the time. And they're doing it now.  Mongo runs out to the jungle with donut on him.  Carl runs after.  When he gets there, there's a semicircle  of 40 velociraptors and they're growling and Mongo is growling. But none of them are moving.  Carl picks up donut and slowly walks away. 

The biggest velociraptor pounces on Mongo.  They don't fight.  They make love. ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️ 💕 💘 

Ch 12

Carl grabs donut and runs away.  

Donut is having a panic attack. The Crux is people online are say9ng Carl is gonna abandon her on the 9th floor.  He promises not to do that and she calms fow down a l8ttle.

Mongo comes back.

One of the guards shoots a missle at something.

Ch 13

They find who got shot by the missle.  Its a hunter. He's not moving.  But hes surrounded by white dots on the map.  Its the elite npc signet and friends.  They offer him to Carl.  Carl says to heal him and he pulls.out the ring.  Seems like he plans to do his curse and super spreader trick again. 

Ch 14

I was wrong, carl just kills the hunter to get an extra point in dexterity.

Signet tells him her plot.  To destroy the high elves and the confederacy. 

So theyre gonna go to the two places they were specifically avoiding.  Just great.

Also theres another elite.  Its an ogre named Areson.

Ch 15

Areson comes back with a dead hunter.  He tried to bring him back alive so carl could get the credit for the kill.  But that didnt work out.  He has an arrow of turbo super gonorrhea. Cant wait for carl to use that on someone we hate.

Carl finds a map on the hunter that shows they've split up the map amongst the different factions and they've claimed dibs on specific crawlers.  The Hive and the Skull empire. He sends out chats letting everyone know which hunter groups claimed their area and also who called dibs on them.

Carl gets a long chat from his lawyer. Theyre limiting the number of chats from the outside so lawyer had to wait to get all the info before sending his chat.

Signet's producers are willing to play ball and expand the show to the 9th level.  Carl wants this because it would mean they'd try to keep him alive.  The downside is theyre dragging their feet.  Lawyer thinks its cause they wanna see how Carl fits into the current dynamic of the show first. Another downside, they want 150 million credits.  Lawyer estimates Carl's net worth at around 67 credits.

This floor is signet's home planet.  The confederacy is her people. She's here to get vengence for her mother and set up a stable government. Then after that she's gonna go buck wild on the elves. 

Part 2 the daughters revenge

Ch 16

They fight more paralytic mongoose and go back to town so they can get ready for odette's show.

They get a new sponsor. They're called the apothecary. Carl is pretty sure this is the race that the Krakaren are based on.  And if theyre half as successful as the pyramid scheming Krakaren are in the dungeon they've got plenty of money.  Donut finds out they also sponsored pretty much all the other top hunters.  Shes woried theyre gonna spread the loot too thin.  Carl isn't gonna worry about it.

Ch 17

Samantha, the gemigodess in the severed sex doll.head, wants to come with them the next time they go to Signet because theyre related through marriage and somehow that means Signet can give Samantha her body back.

They get ready to go on the show. Before they do, they meet with Odette in the green room and she tellls them that Beatrice is still alive.

Ch 18

Bae is going to be on the show.  Stay strong Donut.

Ch 19

The actual TV show is a relatively tame affair.  Donut keeps her cool and calmly tells Bea not to such a two faced phony with her next cat.  Bea seems to be mostly out of it and doesn't say much and is just confused.  She doesnt understand that she's not there with them and tried to hug carl and pet donut.

When the cameras turn off Donut l9ses her shit a little.  She calls Bea the b word anf says you're not my person anymore.  Carl is.  Also, knowing how Bea truly is, Carl has always been her person.

This while time odette and zev have been talking about how the timing is so bad abd im like, the hell?

There are announcements that explain this.  1.  The valtray corporation will no longer be sponsoring anyone

 because

2. They now own 51% of the Borant corporation and they'll pretty much be in charge now thank you very much.

Ch 20 pg 182

Donut is actively working with Zev on starting a Borant civil war.

Zev tells them now that Valtray is in control, the odds of them getting murdered at rhe titular bal is 100%  so avoid it.

One of the things Donut did for Zev was to transport a bunch of Valtay Secret agents to the Borant Emancipation front.

She feels betrayed by the Valtay.  She helped them and now theyre gonna kill her and Carl.

They dont tell mordekai about anything that happened on the gameshow.

Work on the town is going great.  1 more day and the town will be able to defend itself and they can move along.

Ch 21 pg 187

Katia is leaving the group,  but theyre all gonna be in the same guild and theyre gonna buy something so mordecai keeps his room.

Carl gets a fan box.  Its a pass to CrawlCon.  He's gonna sign autographs and be on two panels.  He hates it.

No time to wallow, the town is being attacked.  Elves with a trebuche.

Carl has a crazy idea.

Ch 22 pg 198

Carl launches sex doll head at the attacking hunters.  She has missles attacked and she kills one hunter and grabs onto another one.  He summons her back and she has the hunter.  He's from fantasy hunter camp.  He did well there and so they offered him a  unch of money to do this.  Now carl is going to murder him.

Ch 23 pg 206

Everyone comments on how brutal Carl was in the murder. He's done enough murder with the ring that from now on he will get double rewards for doing a murder with the ring.

Donut gets a bracelet that let's her cast fireball

Ch 24 pg 210

Carl finds the trebuche the hunters were using.  It's light enough he can pick it up and put it in his inventory. 

The were creatures that Signet had an army of are were beavers.

Lightning starts to happen.

Ch 25 pg 218

Signet and her group are hanging out at the All Tree.  It's magical and it protects the forest dwellers.  Everyone in Signet's group is a forest dweller.  So when some hunters attack them, they are struck down by lightning. 

There were 2 and 1 lived.  Areson is preparing them for to be sacrificed to Signet.

Turns out Samantha's plan to get a body is stupid. She can take over the dead body of a relative, which Signet is.  Samantha thinks Signet will just die and let Samantha have her body.  When Signet says no, cause DUH, Samantha calls her an ungrateful bitch.  

The other hunter is a woman and still the base hunter level of 50.  Carl starts to feel a little bad about it until in begging for mercy she declares she's a "real" person.  Not a crawler or an NPC.  Carl kills her.

There's an announcement that a top 10 crawler was killed by a hunter.  Carl reaches out in chat and nobody knows who it is.  

They attack the castle to restore order to Signet's mother's former kingdom.  

What does Matt dinnerman have against the Oasis song.Wonder Wall?

Ch 26 pg 231

Carl launches Samantha into the castle.  Shes doing some shenhannegans and he decides its time for him to go in hi.self, but first he has to recall her.  

Ch 27 pg 238

He does so and she brings back a giant frog that they kill with a combination of fireball and mongo and carl ending up inside the wound that fireball caused and finishing off the job.

Ch 28 pg 245

They win the castle fight, but kinda get screwed cause the giant frog was the borough boss, but they killed it before the qiest was announced so they dont get the extra stuff they would have normally received from such a fight.

The were beavers are sad that someone named miss Nadine died.  She must have been an important part of the Signet show.

Also, there's a dinosaur named big Tina they now have a quest for.

Ch 29 pg 252

In honor of miss Nadine Signet gets a new tatoo.  Carl and donut head out to the next town.  They gotta get into a safe room ASAP cause Carl is gona get transported to crawler con pretty soon.  They get to a town and a saferoom a d they f8nd out that Lucia Mar (the 11 year old with two giant dogs that's the strongest crawler in the game and is largely though to be mentally unstable) is the Mayor of this town.

Carl gets transported away.

Part 3

Ch 30 pg 261

Zev tells Carl he's gonna be here for a few hours because his second thing is a few hours after his first thing.  He's losing his shit cause he knows donut is down there and had atleast 1 fight.  He wants to be down there right now.  Zev says hes better off here.

Right before he goes on, his guard asks him to vote for his grand daughter and he''ll let him raid the greenroom.

Ch 31 pg 266

Carl is on the judging panel for kids artwork with an aquatic man and a camel man.  The aquatic man is cool.  He designed the desperado club.  The camel man is not cool.  Aquatic man explains its cause camel man is a has been and is bitter about it.

Aquatic man is so cool he also votes for the guards grand daughter. So cool.

Ch 32 pg 274

The room Carl is in has a super advanced bed and training room. Stuff he wouldn't see in the ga,e til the 12th level.  So he takes advantage 9f 8t and trains up his bomb making and power punch.  It ssupposed to be 16 now, but because 15 is the normal max I guess his equipment bonuses don't count as much so he`ll need to get to what would be 17 before hes actually 16.

This panel is gonna be epic.  The guards are psyched to watch.

Ch 33 pg 283

The mother of one of the hunters Carl killed is in charge.  She talks about the history of 5he crawl and Carl just starts screaming about how boring it is and she leaves and he asks the crowd for advice on how to kill her children.

Ch 34 pg 296

The audience has lots of good ideas. Carl is feeling a little hopeful.

Ch 35 pg 303

This fight is awesome.  Both the mantises and the Borg are trying to kill Donut, Carl and the 11 year old girl.  Did I mention that donut killed one of the 11 year old girl's dogs?

The 11 year old is the Mayor of the town and has HELLA traps everywhere.  She kicks ass.

All the hunters except the main Mantis end up dead.  And carl uses one of the arrows to give her enthusiastic double ghonorea.

The only way to get rid of it is to pass it.om to someone else of your same race.  Theres one mantis in the capital city and the crawlers offer him a deal to.protect him.

Ch 36 pg 316

They ipen a bunch of boxes and achievements and what not.

The funnest one is when Carl hits strength 100 he's given the option to pick a foot based skill and donut knows the AI gave it to him on purpose cause it loves his feet.

But Carl spits in its face and takes a skill that makes his strength go up by 2 from now on.

Ch 37 pg 333

They watch the recap show where donut cuts off one of Lucia's dogs heads with the hole spell.

Ch 38

The mantis account shows up asking for help.  There's blahs blahs blahs and eventually Carl let's him into their safe room and he punches Carl.  It's his third strike cause he previously punched the mercenary they sent to offer him protection. But this guy didn't want protection. He wanted to die in the least dishonorable manner.  On your third strike all your stuff, including your clothes, drop to the ground and you're teleported to the nearest mob nest where its assumed you're going to die relatively quickly.

ch 17 to the end THE FRUGAL WIZARD’S HANDBOOK FOR SURVIVING MEDIEVAL ENGLAND

I forgot how great it is to be able to copy and paste the table of contents for a book report.  Maybe next book on lobby pr something else that I can read on kindle.

Chapter Seventeen 

Adara was right.  The redheaded man is his partner. Ryan Chu is his nane

FAQ: Can I Transfer Things Between Dimensions? 

These dimensions they go to are kinda subdimentions. They're not quite as substantial as ours.  The punchline is that you cant take anything back to our dimension. In case you need some existential dread, our dimension could be a subdimention if another dimension. We could be some other dimension's play thing.

Chapter Eighteen 

I think the cop's name is Johnny because trying to enable his head armor he gets a message saying its has been disabled external and you should stop trying.Johnny.  

Chapter Nineteen 

They make it to the fortress where we think brother is being held.  They picked up an old lady at one point and they tell her she shouldn't be involved.  She tells them she's gonna do whatever she wants to do.  And what she wants to do is help make sure they dont end up dead 

FAQ: Why Does Everyone in Britain Speak Modern English in My Pre-Norman-Conquest Dimension? Shouldn’t That Require an Incredible Alignment of Social and Linguistic Factors That Would Never in a Million Years Align in Such a Convenient Way? 

It just does. 

Chapter Twenty 

Johnny and company sneak to the main building in the compound.  He has his wight unlock the back door by giving it a berry on a white cloth. 

He .makes a grand entrance and the lord of the manner demands he does more tricks.  He does a few and then the lord tells them where brother is.  So thats good.

What's not so good is one of the criminals is there and says Johnny?  Wtf?

Chapter Twenty-One 

Adara nailed it again. Johnny is a police academy drop out.

But I don't think any of us predicted that Johnny was a criminal. The criminals want him dead, not cause hes a cop, which he isn't,  but because he stole from them.

Also,  Ryan Chu isn't his friend anymore. They were friends in police academy but Johnny's a criminal and Ryan wants him dead too.

Chapter Twenty-Two 

This is the chapter where we have to start using names cause theres too many characters. 

The brother, Wyrm, was a trap.  The head viking from the first village,  Ealstan, is shot with arrows in the gut.  Johnny has a flashback to futuristic fighting pits he fought in.  He starts to wreck shop on these fools for a bit.  But he pretty quickly realizes that they're kinda humoring him.  They could shoot him dead with arrows in a second.  What he ends up doing is using his nanites to heal Ealstan.  The head viking at rhe fortress, Wealdsig, is hella impressed by this.  Everyone thinks Johnnyn is Baller now.  He also heals Wealdsig's hand.  

Even the lady/girl with the brother Sefawynn is impressed and she was 💯 that he was a fake.  In the modern parlance she might have said not to bullshit a bullshittr.

Part Two Marginalia 

Part Three: Bagsworth Ruins Everything (Again) How to Be a Wizard 

The book johnny could really use is 

Science for Wizards™

That explains how to actually do all this stuff Johnny knows about that should be impressive but he doesnt actually know how to do.

The key to being a wizard is convincing people that you are one so people will look to you for guidance rather than having to keep fighting your way through. 

Chapter Twenty-Three 

Johnny talks to whatever spirit is helping him.  It says its not in the mood and calls him John from Seattle. 

John has failed at everything hes ever done.  He gets a pep talk from their Muslim friend Yazad. Where he tells him hes a time traveler and  Yazad hilariously calls him powerful, yet stupid.

He thinks, what if I didnt?  He's gonna try to succeed.

Chapter Twenty-Four 

John is having a hard go of it.  Horse riding is hard when you dont have nanites repairing your muscles. Also, he smells bad because he had to wait a day for his immunity nanites to regenerate before he could take a bath.

He and Elias and Sefawynn speak of Woden and the old war and how its worth suffering Wodens punishments and sacrificing for him for the rewards.

The old lady,  Thokk, shows up and John holds back to have a "whats your deal" conversation. Shes "just" an old woman.  But everyone expects an old.woman traveling by herself to be a witch.  This is very fun for her.  She tells John he better respect that its awesome and she makes a great sacrifice when she's with them because she's just an old lady when with a group.

FAQ: Wait. Did I Just Do a Colonialism? 

This part is interesting in that they say the Americas are off limits cause they do what we might call charity work in the Americas to prepare them.for the eventual European invasion. So its kinda ok that your colonizers cause you're colonizing colonizers. 

Chapter Twenty-Five 

They get robbed. It sucks.  John gets knocked out.

Chapter Twenty-Six 

John wakes up in a hut, he finds a loose floorboard so he can escape.

He finds the group around the fire.

He decides to jump the leader.  But as hes jumping, he realizes he might have misunderstood the situation. Elias and Sefawynn seem to be getting along with the bandits just fine.  He gets confirmation of this when the leader turns out to be the real cop Ryan Chu.

FAQ: What If I’m Still Worried About the Ethics of Essentially Colonizing the British Isles, Influencing the Course of History for an Entire People? 

They explain here that if you're a bad person and you wanna do bad things, its your universe, no one else can judge you.

If you're a good person and you're worried you might have a negative impact,  theyve got a wonderful book to sell you with stories of how good people have had a significant possitive impact on their dimensions. 

Chapter Twenty-Seven 

Ryan is playing the part of Robin hood and its going really well.  They're gonna work together to take down the criminal.  This makes Johnny feel a little bad.  He didnt have a great plan, but at least it was his.  Now hes just going along with Ryan's plan. His previous uselessness gives him an idea.  Somehow it will involve ruining his relationship with Sefawynn. 

.

Chapter Twenty-Eight 

Ryan and Johnny put in a bit of a show at the campfire of arguing about their past.  Johnny goes into the forest and talks to his wight.  Earth people are killing the wights. Not on purpose,  but just being near earthlings kills wights.  

Johnny's plan works,  Sefawynn is looking at him romantically again.

(New!) Better than True Life™ Experiences 

Chapter Twenty-Nine 

They talk through the plan and talk about life, mostly why Johnny's is bad.

Chapter Thirty 

Some knoodling here with John and Sefawynn.   He's really feeling her and vice versa. But he knows he cant stay.  This place is special because of its magic and hes hurting that magic.

Part Three Marginalia 

Part Four: No Refunds . 

FAQ: What If I Don’t Like My Dimension? Are Refunds Available? 

NO!!!!!!

Also, your contract includes a kind of NDA where you aren't allowed to say anything bad about them on social media

Chapter Thirty-One 

They make it to the big city and get moving to their appointed spots to enact the plan.  Lots of refugees because vikings are attacking up and down the coast.  John has the sudden realization that even if they won today and all the earthlings died or went home, these people were still screwed.

Chapter Thirty-Two 

The plan appears to have worked.  Johnny's group has success out front, he hears a bell ringing to indicate Ryan was successful inside.  But now the town is being attacked by vikings. 

Chapter Thirty-Three 

.

This whole thing was a trap Ulric setup to get Ryan's beacon and call in reinforcements.

John gets to the inside and sees Ryan tied up.  Someone else is tied up next ro him.

It's Jen!!!!!1!!!!one!!!!

Chapter Thirty-Four 

Jen was Ryan's person on the inside.  She started working for Uric as a midevilest and ended up coming over to this dimension way faster than expected. 

Then her grandma told John she was dead.

They get the portal setup and Ryan and Jen piece out.

Also, Jen was cheating on John with Ryan basically for as long as they've been dating.

All of these people suck.

You know who doesnt suck?  Sefawynn,  she's out there fighting the vikings with her magic all alone.

Chapter Thirty-Five 

OK, she's not fighting.  Shes out there doing boasts. Still scary when there's vikings attacking the city.

Also, Thokk! Is Wodens brother.

Thokk shows john that there's wights every where.  Sefawynn tells woden to fick off and the wights are inspired.  A viking starts to attack her and a wight makes his sword fall to pieces. 

Then the wight makes the Viking fall to pieces.

John moves to attack the vikings. Thokk stops him.  This isn't his battle.  His battle is with the people from his world. 

He's gotta fight Quinn so he can destroy the portal.

Chapter Thirty-Six 

The fight goes badly because quinn has full plating and John just has arm plating.  

Ulric comes in with a couple more guys.  You'd think he'd just shoot John and move on with his plans.  But no, he likes to watch his pee ons fight.  So he lets the fight go on.

John has a sudden realization that he's bad at pretty much everything. But hes great at one thing.

Lying!!!!!!

So he lies. He tells them due to the fun magical probability stuff of this dimension he just guessed the password to bring all his shielding online.  This freaks quinn out and John

Kicks

His 

Ass

John throws quin through the portal to the police station. He destroys the beacon.

Ulric shoots him.

Then Ealstan,  who we thought was killed by Ulric's goons, uses a gun with a goons arm still attached to shoot Ulric to death.

The Wizard’s Burden 

You're a wizard Johnny

- Rubeus Hagrid

Chapter Thirty-Seven 

Johnny has a plan.  He's gonna commit suicide so he doesn't hurt this world anymore.  He jumps off a peir in said attempt.  Unfortunately, the water is very shallow.  Thokk is there to make fun of him.  She tells him he can stay.  In fact, he must stay to protect Sefawynn. His disruptiveness to the wights and and Woden will protect her.  But he needs to keep moving.  If he stays somewhere longer than a month his disruptiveness will kill the wights in the area.

So he and Sefawynn will wander around and have adventures i guess.

Part Four Marginalia 

Epilogue 

This is from Thokk/Logna's point of view.  Watching John and Sefawynn go from town to town telling the story of how they defeated Woden.

Postscript 

About the Author 

Also by the Author Copyright

THE FRUGAL WIZARD’S HANDBOOK FOR SURVIVING MEDIEVAL ENGLAND

Part 1

This guy's not a wizard,  he's a cop.

He makes friends with a lady thats a conn artist.  Her little  is taken by some criminals the cop knows.

He is gonna ride a horse with the conn artist lady and the old man the conn artist lady and her brother were staying with.

Part 2

Ch 11

The cop is bad at horse riding. 

His only useful skill is drawing.

Also, he thinks this might be an england that was taken over by vikings.  Vaguely between 500 and 1000 AD.

Ch 12

Cop thinks of drawing a map of england to try to figure out where in England they are but he runs out of ink.

He hears horns.

There are viking ships.

This is bad.

Faq

There is not very likely to be a universe where Earth's dominate species at this point is talking bananas.  Every now and then they find a dimension with Neanderthals as the dominant species.  But the vast majority they've found are humans and of those most have an English speaking England.  What they've found even more of is dimensions where earth is a barren wasteland. 

Ch 13

Viking ships

Cop is ginna do something about it so they don't kill everyone in the village.

The girl/lady (im not sure about her age) concocts a scheme to make the  oat vikings think hes really an elf with powerful magic and scare them away.

Ch 14

Give or take a bit the bluff works.  But some unseen force is helping the cop.  I'm guessing its a camouflage drone or something.  But in this moment, he'll be damned if he doesnt fully believe its a magic spirit of some kind.

Our fantastic packages. 

Appearantly there are lots of dimensional tourism companies.  

This one is frugal.  But they have lots of avenues for people with money to spare. 

Ch 15

The vikings had a prisoner. They bargained for his release expecting him to be one of theirs.  He's not, he's Persian. He's here to spread the word of Allah,  but he doesn't call it that.  Fun tidbit,  in this dimension the romans tried to crucify Jesus but Muhammad,  our whatever hes called here saved him.  For a short beautiful time Muslims and Christians were cool.  But that....

...was a long time ago. 

Faq

You know how there's criminals the cop knows in his personal dimension?  This chapter explains how this is impossible. 

Ch 16

Cop reads the bits of guidebook he could find.  He doesn't find it helpful.  But he does believe in norse gods now because of a stack of little rocks that keeps restocking itself.

sea of tranquility part 4 to the end

Part 4 bad chicken 2041

Ch 1

Our time traveler is telling his sister about how eventually it will be the end of the world and that's why we gotta have colonies in other solarsystems.

There's a story about a guy who goes to a grave yard with his 4 year old daughter and they find a grave of a four year old abd its the end of the world for him liking graveyards.

Ch 2  pg 106

Timetraveler grew up in the same moon colony as olive the author.  Turns out hes not a fan that took a character from her book and took on the name.  His mom was a fan and named him after the character.

But he did have a mild fascination with her house.  When he was growing up a girl named Talia lived there.  Years later he ended up working for her in a hotel.

Ch 3 pg 114

It's his sister's birthday.  They both live in the good moon bubble. She tells him to come to her office.  She shows him the historical evidence of the blips we know he goes back in time to see.  But she doesn't talk about time travel at all.  She wants to talk about how maybe the whole world is a simulation and thise blips are glitches in the program. 

Ch 4 pg 129

Sister talks about how the best way to investigate whether or not we live in a simulation is to go back in time to investigate these instances. 

There's a lot of.people in moon jail for attempted time travel.

But his sister works at the time institute and we know he traveled back in time so it'll be neat to see how it happens.

Ch 5 pg 132

Sister admits she's time traveled and now she hates it and never wants to do it again.  Time traveler says he wants to be the one to investigate the simulation hypothesis. She says no.

It'll be fun to see how that turns into a yes.

Ch 6 pg 138

Sister is ghosting time traveler. He decides to ambush her at work. Instead,  he runs into a guy they grew up with.  He works there too.  Sister is RIPSHIT about this whole thing.  But childhood friend is willing to set up an interview for him.

Funnest but of this is when Timetraveler and childhood friend are talking about how time travel itself makes childhood friend believe in the simulation theory because no matter how much they seem to fuck up the past it seems to heal itself pretty quickly so the affect on the present is always minimal.

Ch 7 pg 147

Remember Talia that was in the author's house as a kid that also works at the hotel that time traveler does?  Turns out her parents were time travelers.  And when a mission went wrong, they got dropped like a bad habit. She knows she cant convince him not to go, but she tells him to be aware that when things go bad at the time institute, he'll be thrown out like trash.

Ch 8 pg 153

Time traveler gets the time traveler job.  But hes gotta train for 5 years.

Ch 9 pg 157

S8ster is ti.e travelers support person.  Shes injecting travkers into him and telling him how to use stuff.

Ch 10 pg 161

Time traveler goes back in time and talks to the man that plays the violin music that shows up in all the blips.  He plays the violin at the Oklahoma city airship terminal

I wonder how long we would have to use airships rather than airplanes before people started calling airports airship terminals.

Sister is not impressed with his efforts

Part 5 pg 269 last book tour again.

Time traveler tells author to gtfo and she does and she's grateful to still be alive with her husband and daughter on the moon and also she's super duper rich now that her pandemic book is super popular during the pandemic.  But she actually feels a little bad about it and avoids the topic when she can. She does not feel good about benefiting from other people's misery.

Part 6 pg 197 morella and Vincent/ file corruption 

Time traveler is in trouble but not FUCKED like I thought he'd be.  His sister's life sounds sad.  All she has is this job that she kinda seems to hate.

Ch 2 pg 202

I was confused at the beginning of this when he talks about how when he's transported to 1994 it looks it did in 1912.  But in this book he hasnt gone back to 1912 from his point of view yet.

He sees Vincent and the anomaly happens and he feels like he is truly in all three places at once.  He's here in 1994, here in 1912 with Edwin St Andrew and in the Oklahoma city airship terminal way in the future with Olive the author. 

Ch 3 pg 206

Time traveler messages sister to say he's seen the anomaly and it's resl.

Ch 4 pg 207

Time traveler goes back to the present.  Sister tells him he's been taken out of commission and consequences are right around the corner.  

He's like, you gotta help me.  She does and sends him back in time.

Ch 5 pg 209

New York city 2007.  This is another art gallery party.  Hes hoping to talk to Vincent and avoid Mirella.  He is able to talk to Vincent alone but only for a minute.  But long enough for her to confirm that during the blip she heard violin music and what sounded like hydraulics. 

Part 7 of 215 Remittance 1918, 1990, 2008

Time traveler goes back to 1918 to talk to Edward st Andrew.  Edward returned from the great war and a lot of trauma.  Time traveler explains to Edward that what happened in Vancouver was real.

I don't understand how this interaction benefits the time traveler as it's not really Edward confirming it as it is time traveler telling him what's what.

Ch 2 pg 223

Time traveler did this for Edward so he wouldn't end up in an insane asylum.   He actually ended up dying of the influenza 2 days before he had previous to time traveler's intervention. But at least he died knowing he was of sound mind and the traumatic things he saw were real.

Ch 3 

Time traveler is back in the present.  His punishment is that he's to be taken to another time and dumped there.

Ch 4 

Another time traveler comes with Gaspary and shoots a couple dudes and goes back to the future successfully framing Gaspary  for murder.  Just like Mirella describes he recognizes her and shouts her name.  She didn't know he would be drugged to help facilitate the frame job.  But it informs me as to why he's doing something so pointless. 

Ch 5

Prison sucks, but Gaspery is ok with it cause he saved Olive's life and Edward's sanity.

Part 8 pg 231

Ch 1-3

Gaspery has been in prison for 16 years and his sister shows up to break him out.

Ch 4

Gaspery is in a farm near Oklahoma city in 2173.  For reference,  this is 23 years before his interview with the violinist.

Ch 5 pg 240

Gaspery doesnt leave the farm for fear of being discovered by the time institute.  But the elderly couple that runs the farm will soon need help.  So he gets facial reconstruction surgery so he can go out in the world.

Ch 6 pg 242

Talia is here.  I hope to get some sort of vengeance. 

Ch 7 pg 244

Talia tells Gaspery how his sister got her oit to the far colonies, which are beautiful,  but underground. Then she sent her here.

Ch 8 pg 246

They get married. 

Ch 9 pg 247

Gaspery,'s plan is to learn to play the violin and become the okc air terminator violin guy.

Ch 10 pg 248

Talia dues if an aneurism. 

Ch 11 pg 249

He's gonna take his dog with him

Ch 12 pg 250

Turns out Gaspery is the anomaly at the end of the book.

Ch 13 pg 253

We get the violinist interview from the old Gaspery's point of view.

Acknowledgement

Surprise!!! You're the monster at the end of this book.  You're only here because your ancestors committed genocide on the people who lived here before us.

sea of tranquility parts 1 through 3

Part 1 Remittance 1912

Ch 1 pg 3

Edwin is a rich boy, he is from England and hes been banished to Canada. 

Ch 2 pg 5

Edwin lives in Halifax and then visits a friend in sesquachawan. 

You should watch the show corner gas.  It's streamable in many places.

Ch 3 pg 11

He visits a friend in Victoria BV and likes it much better.

Ch 4 pg 13

Flashback to the incident that got him banished.

His mother and father and talking about their time in India. Edwin points out that the Indians dont much like to have been colonized.  Somehow this prompts his father to ask if he's a Christian. Edwin isn't sure he is.  Now hes banished to Canada.

Ch 5 pg 19

Edwin has decided Victoria is TOo much like England.  He goes with Thomas up Vancouver island to a logging camp.  He never goes to the logging camp.  He just sits around the boarding house and plays chess.

Ch 6 pg 25

Edwin wanders about some.  He runs into some native girls.  He feels the sad hypocrisy of his life that he's against colonization, yet here he is colonizing.

Ch 7 pg 27

Edwin goes into the forest and in a clearing made by a maple tree has a run in with a preist.

Ch 8 pg 29

One page trying to explain an odd experience Edwin had.

Ch 9 pg 30

Edwin throws up and goes to the ocean to wash it off and has a bad go of it.

Ch 10 pg 31

Edwin goes to church. The priest says his name is Robert and just yesterday came to replace father Frederick. But Edwin knows that's a lie.  No ship has come in for a while.  Any ship that comes or goes is the talk of the town for weeks.

Father Frederick shows up and father Robert is nowhere to be found.

Father Robert is a space alien.  That's the impression that i get.

Part 2 pg 27

Mirella and Vincent 2020

Ch 1

There's so many dead people in this chapter.  Vincent (she/her) is dead.  Her husband Johnathan had been running a Ponzy scheme and Mirella's husband Faisal was a victim and committed suicide.  

Mirella went to a video art show Vincent's brother Paul was putting on.  He says its a video his dead sister made.  This is how Mirella found out Vincent was dead.

In an after show chitchat someone shakes Paul's hand and immediately puts on purrel and talks of Wuhan.  A man named Gaspery Roberts says Covid 19 isn't spread by hand.  Everyone else looks at him like his an alien.  His response to this is "It's only January. "  i suspect Gaspery Roberts is a time traveler.

After the show Mirella goes out for drinks with Paul.  Paul tells her Vincent died falling off a boat.  She was a cook on a container ship.

Mirella needs to decompress having learned how her former friend died.  She goes across the street to a park.  Gaspery roverts joins her and says he investigates stuff like the weird blip that was on Vincent's video.  Mirella says she remembers him.  From when she was a child.   He was getting arrested on an overpass and called her name.

She realizes that's crazy and runs away and grabs a cab home.

Gaspery is probably father Robert from part 1.

Ch 2 pg 55

Chapter 1 was in New York city. This underpass story was when mirella was 9 years old in Ohio.  She ran away from home to New York when she was 16.

In the taxi, mirella remembers the underpass incident.  She's absolutely certainly it was Gaspery.  

Ch 3 pg 58

Mirella goes to a friend's party. This is a friend she's had for a long time. At the party she has a pleasant memory of a time she and Vincent and her husband were on the balcony of this house.  Mirella realizes she doesn't love her girlfriend anymore.

She tells a fortune teller that she wants to kill Johnathan. 

Part 3 pg 64

Last book tour on earth

2203

Ch 1 pg 66

Just kidding, this part doesn't have any chapters.

It's all about a woman named Olive who wrote a book about a pandemic and she's on a book tour while there might be a pandemic starting in Australia. 

There's a lot of very similar stuff going on over and over again as she does her book tour.  Lots of rides with cabbies and similar interviews and calls home to.her husband who might be working on a building that's specifically for time travel research. 

Then on page 97 she meets our time traveler. Funny story, he has the same name as a character in her book. 

He's acting the part of a reporter and asks about a bit in her book where a man is transported. And if its based on something that happened in her real life at the Oklahoma city airship center.

She says she'll talk about it off the record.  She doesnt wanna Come off as eccentric.