the dungeon anarchist's cookbook - Matt Dinniman

Forward: the fourth floor is a confusing maze.  So if you don't understand stuff, don't worry about it.  There will be a map at the end that explains it all.

Ch 1

Carl doomsday ch 13 to the end

 Ch 13

They open up their loot and talk to mordekai about strategy.  Funnest things are some fangs theyre probably gonna give to Mongo and am enchantment that makes carls  boxers way more defensive. The main point being that it keeps him pantsless 

Ch 14 pg 163

They cant sleep in safe rooms on this floor so they go to an inn and get a room.  They have some drinks in the inn's bar.  There's a sad ogre lady and Carl wants to do her quest.  Mordekai says mind your own. Carl and donut go to bed.  Carl sneaks out to do the quest and Mordekai is still in the bar and he tells him she left.  And to MIND YOUR OWN!!!!!

They go grinding the next day and kill a neighborhood boss by tripling Mongo and and sending one of his duplicates in with a stick of dynamite. 

Carl finds the ogre from the previous night and the quest is that prostitution is being.murdered and for him to find the killer.  He tells Mordekai about it and Mordekai says MIND YOUR OWN!!!!!

Also they buy a pokeball to put Mongo in.

Ch 15 pg 178

They go to da club.  At the door they're told its dead.  But its packed with people.  Mordekai explains that all these people are super lame NPCs. Like the guy from jumanji that just says "hello adventures " without being useful.  The only reason theyre here is so they can buy a potion making kit.  

The pet area is closed so Mongo stays in the pokeball.  The reason is the Hispanic girl with the two Rottweilers who's now some sort of demon race was here yesterday and the Rottweilers wrecked shit and she froze time and killed an Elite.  I think the point of this story is to show us that there are crawlers way more powerful than Carl and Donut.

Carl tries to have a heart to heart with mordekai as to why he's angry about being a manager.  Mordekai talks about what makes a manager different from an advisor, but never gets to the point where he says anything that makes Carl feel like its actually bad.  Then mordekai makes a flimsy excuse to get outa da club.

Ch 16 pg 192

They go to the silk road and Carl meets the hobgoblin  lady that sells explosives.  He buys some hobgoblin robbers.  They are too big for his slingshot and he's sad about it.  Donut says the slingshot sucks and nobody likes it.

They head out of the club with the intention to go back to the inn and watch the recap show.  Mongo loses his shit and screams and heads down an alley there are a bunch of terrifying floating head ghosts.  Not sure why, but they just fly away and there's an elf that knows Carl and donuts names and tells them he lured Mongo to him and now they will die.  Carl kicks him in the nuts and donut blows his head off with a magic missle.

 

Ch 17 pg 200

The elf was wearing a military looking shirt so Carl takes it to show mordecai later.

They find Gumgum the Orc from the quest dead. 

There's a note that looks like necromancer script and a note from the mayor of the town saying the hobgoblin was dealing with the dead hookers with his blessing.

They open fan boxes and donut gets a framed picture of Bea. It's the picture of her sitting on her ex boyfriends lap that gave Carl the motivation to break up with her. Carl gets something good. A jai alai basket. Now he has a good way to throw bombs and donut is happy that it looks way cooler than the slingshot.

Mordekai explains that the elf is part of a bunch of conspiracy theory nuts that think all ground bound people are trying to kill people that can fly and its their job to get vengence even though theyre ground bound.  If I  didnt mention it before, this town is run by bird people.

Before bed Carl says theyre gonna get to the bottom of this.  The body of a dead sex worker with "no you won't " carved into it falls from the sky.

Ch 18 pg 218

Carl and donut decide to take this up with the authorities. The authorities don't appear to care. They've got a show appearance in two hours and they kill some time fighting mobs.  Instead they are jumped by two dark elves and a bunch of giant zombies.  

Ch 19 pg 234

They get on the show and it's most of the normal stuff related to the dungeon.  But this show is much more of a broad appeal and there are guests completely unrelated to the dungeon.  Carl talks some shit about the asshile host of the club glub TV show. Things go CRAZY when one of the guests disappears and then they get disconnect and they are in a boat and the water is rocking like crazy.  Turns out the boat next to theirs was destroyed. The brother of the asshole glub glub guy destroyed it thinking it was Carl and donuts.  It was a major celebrity and her corporation destroys the ship that glub glub and his mom were on in retaliation. We're in the midst of some serious intergalactic shit here.

Ch 20 pg 252

They go back to town and start some shit with the city elves.  The plan is to have the city elves attack them and then the city guards will help Carl and donut fight the city elves. Turns out the enemy of these city elves is someone called the fallen oak and one of donuts magical items is an anklet of the fallen oak and that's basically why the city elves are against Carl and donut.  Also, there's a theory that the city's magistrate is a necromancer arakokra and these city elves worship the arakokra and so somehow Carl thinks they're doing what they're doing on his orders.  Anyway, things go bad when some dwarf kids that were playing in the street throw a rock at a city elf who reflects it back.  Then their mom comes out and nearly beats a city of to death with a rolling pin.  The guards come to deal with mom and for reasons I don't understand Carl hits a guard.  Donut calls the play mic drop.  In this play Carl throw a boom jug in the air and donut teleports them away.  This kills all the city elves. 

Ch 21 pg 270

They hang out on the roof until night and then go back to their inn.  One of the other guests on the talk show they were on was a lady warrior who's got a whole group of lady warriors.  One of which is close to Carl and donut so as a favour to her they let this lady join their party.  They wait for donuts teleport to recover and they do a thing on the roof of the magistrate's office.  They figure out that the necromancer note is really a listening device and they use it to feed their enemy conspirator misinformation. There are smoke bombs and duplicates of mongo and a hobgoblin bomb.  I suppose we'll find out what happened in the next chapter. 

Ch 22 pg 288

The way the dynamite exploded is confusing to Carl.  In the real world all explosions just sorta go out consistently in all directions.   But this dynamite explosion went straight down.  All the way to the ground floor.  It kinda cored the building like an apple.  When this is done, Carl's first priority is to figure out how explosives really work here.  The explosion killed the lady that claimed to be the assistant magistrate.   It turns out the real magistrate had been dead for a long time and she was running things.  There's what th wry think are dead people on the ground floor, but they turn into floating head monsters, Carl uses a lottery ticket and this time it comes up fireball and he kills all but one of the floating head monsters that turns back into a prostitute. This is what they are,  people by day floating head monsters by night.  The real bad guy is the assistant magistrate's husband.  Hes some sort of undead thing and he has an army of flosting head monsters and sky fowl at his command.

Ch 23 Pg 304

It's not a litch

Ch 24

But it is the assistant magistrate's dead husband.  Turns out she was part of an evil plan going back generations.  She was working on a spell that would kill all nonskyfowl.  All the mana for said spell is stored in a floating gem in this room.  It's about to explode 

Carl's idea for stopping the explosion is to put the gem in the case of a beanie babies he found next to the dead baddie. His theory is the game brought his attention to this item specifically so he could use it for this.

As theyre prepared to die, donut tells Carl he knows Bea is dead.

Ch 25 pg 328

.

The gem in the beanie baby holder kind of worked.  It mucked up the works enough for Carl to put it in his inventory. If he ever pulls it out, it will explode.  This is the titular doomsday scenario. 

It doesnt stop the whole cascading disaster from the spell though.  They run for the stairway to the next floor with a bunch of other crawlers.  Most of them make it.

Epilogue pg 340

They do a talk show with Odette. A few fun things happen here.  First,  one of the crawlers got a celestial box and opened it and it was awesome.  83 there's were awarded one but haven't opened them yet.  This is important for the intergalactic conflict of it all as the game runners have to pay taxes on those boxes.  The Borants who are running this season and who's controlling party has been described ad nazis but worse would be immediately bankrupted if they have to pay those taxes so they have appealed the award of said boxes.  That means Carl and Donut won't likely get any cool shit for the exploding they did.  But, they do get experience and theyre in the top 10.  Another surprising person in the top 10 is one of the residents of meadow lark adult care.

Another thing about floor 4 is anyone in the top 10 now has a bounty on their head.

Odette thinks hekla the frost maiden is going to try to get Carl killed so donut will join her team.

Bonus material

Im gonna write up this part real good cause I dont think its in the audio books.

This one is from the viewpoint of the grandma bad llama.  It's just her and two other llamas left and theyre dumb as bricks.  They keep saying theyre going to attack the goblins,  which by all rights they should be angry at as they killed all but 3 of them.  She repeats that there's only 3 of them and wouldbe easily killed by the 23 goblins and even if they won the other groups if mobs would probably kill them as they didn't want to be next after the goblins are dead.  They've been down here a LONG time and these circular conversations are really pissing grandma llama right the fuck off.  Shes seriously considering using her kick spell to do some damage when its announced that the third floor is concluded.

Grandma and a bunch of others, including the goblin from the previous bonus material,  are taken to a smaller room.  These NPCs have had similar roles in dozens of dungeons. All their memories from previous dungeons come flooding back quite painfully. There's an elf lady in charge.  She explains that all of the pain they're going through is for a good reason.  It's to give them the knowledge and power from previous dungeons to design the 17th floor.  She explains that the 17th floor will have NPCs from previous floors with their powers reverses.  So first level NPCs like grandma and sexy goblin shaman will be the most powerful.   The 17th floor has always been self designing.  So even though no players ever get their, a group of NPCs is pulled to design it every time.

ancillary justice ch 17 to ch 23

Ch 17

I was off on the timing of all this.  Narrator has only been away for 19 years. Its Seivardaan that was frozen for a thousand years.  They head into radchaai space and it seems chill.  But them they're summoned to the inspector and the inspector is lieutenant Awn"s old lover lieutenant skaaiat.  This is probably a coincidence. But the radchaai don't believe in coincidence. This is a sign from God.

Ch 18 pg 276

Seivardaan is in some serious legal trouble.  Not sure if we were aware of that or not.  Inspector skaaiat still thinks of lieutenant Awn. Seivardaan is gonna do their own thing while narrator gets a hotel.  The whole thing is real nerve wrenching to narrator. Worried about what the radchaai will do to Seivardaan,  worried about what Seivardaan might do, left to their own devices.  Worried skaaiat might find out who they really are.

Ch 19 pg 292

Breq is invited to tea by a soldier sent by a captain.  Very rude.  Should have invited them personally. Anyway, it doesnt mattter as said captain us only inviting Breq to get to Seivardaan. 

Breq buys some new clothes, gets a nice hotel and watches some TV.  Breq can feel the station watching them so talks directly to the station and finds out Seivardaan is in jail.  Breq bails out Seivardaan and they have dinner and go back to breq's hotel and Seivardaan passes out. 

All of this is quite improper in radchaai culture. It appears as though breq is courting Seivardaan. But breq is actually hiring Seivardaan to be their assistant. Doubt that changes the opinions of anyone that's looking into them.

Also skaaiat invites them to tea and they accept.

Ch 20 pg 309

Seivardaan is invited to meet with the emperor. 

Ch 21 pg 330

The emperor immediately recognizes breq as a ship ancillary and commands her to shoot the other emperor and then blames breq for the civil war that's imminent. 

Ch 22 pg 347

There's a bunch of dramatic stuff and action and in the end none of the bad emperors get out and they effectively stop her from really starting a Civil War.  So it keeps being a cold war except the emperors here know what's what.

Ch 23 pg 366

The one remaining ancillary that used to be a whole ship becomes the captain 0f a ship.  And seivarden is coming with. 

cds ch 1 - 12

Chapter 1 pg 1

Donut picks her race and class.  Shes a cat child actor. As a child actor mordecai becomes her manager.  This is goodand bad.  Bad is he cant do anything else so thats a lot of resources lost.  The good is he's no longer constrained as to what he can tell them.

This was all odette's idea.  

Ch 2 pg 15

Carl picks primal as his race.  Pro: skills that usually top out at 15 go up to 20 for primals. Con: no up front bonuses of any kind.  Mordekai explains this as starting 5 levels below everyone else.

He chooses the compensated anarchist as his class. It's good for both explosives and unarmed combat and it makes him very appealing to fans.  The big downside is the minimum charisma is 25.  That's gonna take up most of his a available points.

Ch 3 pg 30

This level is called the over city and it goes together with the lower levels in an extinct volcanoes apocalypse theme.  There's lots of different villages and lots of abandoned city.  A lot of the stuff that they do with genetic manipulation and mind control to make the mobs and NPCs do their thing is illegal in the rest of the galaxy, so a lot of rich assholes like to "party" on the lower levels of the dungeon.  Nobody has ever made it past the 13th level, so the 18th abd 15th floors are popular for doing all sorts of immoral shit.

There are giant guards, not to be fucked with.  Mordekai suggests running if they ever run afoul of the law or whatever.  Donut wants to go shopping cause they have lots of money.  Mordekai tells the to go to a bigger village 24 km away.

Ch 4 pg 38

They go into an area that used to be a circus and now is full of lemurs that throw knives at them.  They do some fighting but for the most part just run until they get to the first safe room they can find.

Ch 5 pg 48

The safe room isn't as useful as they had hoped because mordekai got drunk and when he teleported here he passed out.  They get some fun random things in boxes like old books that remind Carl of his dad and a cat tree.  They also get random earth skills scutelliphilly and cestA punta..donut now has a spell that can make duplicate pets for a minute.  Having 3 velociraptors at once is gonna be really useful some day.  

They leave the safe house to do some grinding.  They take out a lemur by surprise also this whole circus thing is a quest they can try to solve if they wanna risk it for the biscuit.   

Also in the heat of the moment Carl makes a comment about not risking your life for your pet.  The author makes it clear that will come back to haunt him.

Ch 6 pg 59

I dont think I've mentioned yet that nothing level, the whole world was randomly mushed together rather than being spread out based on where they entered the dungeon like the first 2 levels.  Carl finds some dead people and thinks they might be Filipino. They were killed by lemurs.

They get some loot off their dead bodies. Carl suddenly sees the appeal of being a crawler killer.  Way better loot than mobs.

Mordekai pings them and tells them to get to a saferoom ASAP.  Night is coming and its crazy dangerous. They get bombed by circus folk and come across a neutral super powerful npc.  She's a sexy tatood elf lady and Carl breaks his own pinky so as to not be charmed by her.  They try to skedaddle so as to avoid being caught in the crossfire as they expect her to fight circus NPCs.   But its too late for escape. They're surrounded by zoo beasts.

ch 7 pg 74

Carl throws up a shield and donut casts fog of war.  Carl and the velociraptor kill one li9n and donut uses his spell to turn the lion into a zombie and then another spell to turn it into three lions and with some punches and magic missles they kill the remaining lions.  All the while the tattooed elf lady does nothing.  Turns out her plan was to see Carl die and then use his blood to summon something to kill the circus folk and reclaim her land.

Carl says they'll meet again tomorrow to talk about how they can help each other.

They make it back to the safe room and mordekai is beside himself with incredulous anger at Carl for getting involved with the tattooed elf lady.  She (and other important npcs like her ) have their own plot lines that they have long term plans for and if a crawler accidentally ends up in the way of said plotlines the powers that be have no problem smooshing them out of the way. All donut gets from this is that its another show and as such more viewers of they stay involved with tattooed elf lady.

Ch .8

Mordecai's advice is to run the hell away from the circus to get away from this quest that is way out of their league.  That d9esnt work out.  They are stunned.  Carl wakes up in a dark room and has received a platinum box for having survived a level 15 spell.  Excited to see what's in the box.  In the dark room the tattooed lady whispers in Carl's ear how disappointed she is.  What ends up happening is that someone needs to bleed to death in 9rder for tatood lady to do her thing.  So she's set up a mano eeee mano fight between Carl and a mutant bear named heather. Either way one of them will die and tattooed lady will do her summons and get her vengeance against the circus.

Ch 9 pg 104

Carl and mutant bear fight.  It's not going great for Carl as the bear has these worms that not only physical hurt you but also psychologically damage you.  In a desperation move Carl uses his lottery scratcher.  It's 50/50 fire ball or healing custard.  It ends up custard.  But in a weird healing hurts the undead kind of deal the custard turns Heather back into a normal bear.  A very tired bear that's ready for all of this to be over.  Carl punches her to death.

Tatood lady (Tsarina Signet the ELITE) uses Heather's blood to turn her tatoos into giant paper cutout monsters. But they get the job done.  All the circus monsters are killed or flee into the circus tent.  Neither Signet nor her paper army can enter the tent.  Carl had a circus ticket and can.  The mission is to bring down. The three poles holding up the tent.  This will allow Signet and her Army to end this thing.

Also, Carl is chatting with their publicist and there's some mysterious request that Carl has that the AI might allow under very specific circumstances. 

Ch 10 pg 119

Carl goes into the circus tent and its all horrifying. All except the smell.  The smell is just like a real circus.  It reminds him of a time his mother took him to a circus. The gist of the story is either his dad got sole custody and he never saw her after that or she died.  

Long story short, the ringmaster is a giant vine.  Think the magic beanstalk Jack climbs up.  Carl tries to poison it.

Ch 11

Carl is getting great ratings with the poisoning.  He makes a deal with the producers.  He'll keep doing this plotline exclusively if he and donut can be regulars on the show. But he doesn't end up poisoning the ringmaster.  Instead he eats a worm ice cream cone and casts a spell that prevents mind control the result is that he has the ringmaster in his head and can communicate with him and he goes outside and he talks to Signet and she and the ringmaster are able to make peace.  Signet says donut will wake up in the morning.  Carl heals himself and runs back to donut cause she has low health.

Ch 12 pg 138

Carl finds donut and mongo (that's the name if their pet velociraptor) nearly dead.  They're surrounded by things that look like giant sea urchins.  Mongo and donut are full of needles from the things.  Turns out they're the cleanup mobs on this level.  They came here to "cleanup" all the protective stuff Carl built up around donut.  Then Mongo fought them to defend donut and that's how we ended up here.  Carl corals mongo and throws more garbage out to the urchins and they do their thing without further incidendt and Carl heals donut and mongo and when donut wakes up in the morning they head to the nearest town.

ancillary justice ch 9 -16

Ch 9 pg 126

Narrator tries to convince the doctor to give them the gun so they can try to kill the emperor.

Ch 10 pg 140

Back in the past on the hot wet planet.  The emperor tells lieutenant Awn to go back to her ship.  She's being replaced tomorrow.  The lieutenants and narrator talk about the killing of the rich and who benefits. The emperor is the obvious answer cause they made it all happen. but they still can't think of how.  Narrator fascinates about killing the emperor instead of shooting the rich it was commanded to kill.

Ch 11 pg 154

Narrator (who were gonna call Breq now) talks the doctor into selling her the gun that can shoot through shields with the promise they will use it to kill as many emperors as possible.  

Ch 12

Narrator (who I'm gonna keep calling narrator her cause it's a ship with a long name) suddenly sees two emperors show up and they order narrator to take them to the empty place closest to the ships memory banks.  Narrator is pretty sure the emperor pulled some shit like this before and wiped the ships memory of it.

Ch 13

  Breq and the other radchaai they saved from freezing to death in chapter 1 (named seivardaan) go to the equator cause that's where they can get a ship the hell out of here.   Seivardaan is a drug addict and sells their glider to get some money to get high.  Breq walks to the next town.  Seivardaan catches up with them.  They walk across the one cool thing on this planet, a mysterious glass bridge.  They have a confrontation on said bridge and seivardaan falls off.  But he catches himself and Breq has this bad idea to dive down, catch seivardaan and their shields will save them when they hit whatevers at the bottom.  But it goes badly cause seivardaan sold his shield to buy drugs and get high a while back.

Ch 14 pg 202

Io9.com called this book mind blowing.  I wonder if this chapter is the start of that for them.  Narrator and the two  (maybe 3) emperors are the only people on this deck.  Emperor tells narrator to show them stuff and to delete certain things,  but narrator finds it can show emperor false memories and not delete things its told to.

There are two factions of emperors.  The one that's here with narrator is against the reformation and likes the rich people being in charge and promotion due to nepotism never ending process of taking over new systems and pillaging those systems to make Radchaai even richer.  

The other faction of emperors is trying to make their society more of a meritocracy and wants to stop the Annexations. This faction seems to be in charge as it has been announced as law that people be placed and promoted based on their accomplishments and not their family or money. Also the annexations are stopping.  Even if the incident hadn't happened narrator would have left the system because this was their last annexation. The emperor here implies that all this reform and what not is somehow the fault of the Presger, who I believe are the planet that had the guns that can shoot through shields.

Ch 15 pg 218

Breq wakes up in the hospital and Seivardaan is there.  Turns out he didn't spend the money on drugs,  he sold the glider with the intention to use the money for drugs, but hadn't gotten around to it yet.  So hes spending said money on breq's medical treatment.

It's not a presger gun, it's a Garsedaai gun.  And Seivardaan knows about it.  Breq thinks to tell Seivardaan about killing an emperor or two and why, but then realizes he wouldn't understand because he was frozen for a thousand years as society changed and the impact of the two emperor factions had on the galaxy to the point that Breq wanted to kill the emperor.  So brew starts by talking about and important historical event that happened while Seivardaan was frozen.

Ch 16

The emperor is asking narrator a bunch of questions about which side each member of the crew is on politically and narrator tries to come up with answers that sound good but don't get anybody into trouble.  After a bunch of this the emperor eventually tells narrator to bring lieutenant Awn to them.  Then lieutenant Awn gets grilled by the emperor and eventually emperor commands narrator to kill lieutenant Awn.  Not wanting to blow their cover, narrator does what they're told.  Then narrator loses it and kills one of the emperors.  The emperor blows up the ship, but not before one ancillary gets away.

ancillary justice ch 1 through 8

Ch 1

Narrator finds an injured person and burses them back to health.  Narrator says he thought this person dead a thousand years ago so it makes me think theyre a robot. 

Ch 2

19 years and some change ago Narrator was a space ship.   What we saw in chapter 1 was what they called an ancillary. A human body taken over by an AI like Narrator. 

Th8s chapter takes place in the far past on a planet where narrator's shipness is in orbit and has 20 or so ancillaries on the planet.  It is a hot wet planet.

Ch 3 pg 27

Narrator rents a glider to take the injured person somewhere.  But the glider is a trap.  It's got a fake fuel gage and they run out of fuel.  The renter and some people she recognizes from the bar where she found the injured person try to rob her.  Narrator ( I keep wanting to use the pronoun she, I think cause Narrator uses it for everyone even if theyre male ) shoots them dead.  Narrator uses the glider the would be robbers came in on to get where they're going. It's an abandoned cabin.

Also, this is an ice planet, so the stakes here were pretty high.

Ch 4 pg 42

Back to the past on the hot wet planet.

The stakes are low because its the past and also its hard to worry that any harm would come to a single ancillary when there's 20 of them and a ship in orbit.

Narrator works for lieutenant Ann who works with lieutenant skaaiat.  They're meeting with local rich people and said local rich talk about the minorities on their planet how theyre flawed and as such the rich deserve to rule over them and its upsetting that under the rule of the Radchaai the poors seem to get preferential treatment. From the perspective of lieutenant Ann its that under Radchaai rule the poors are being given opportunities that they never would have had before.

On their way back to quarters lieutenant Skaaiat explains that everyone that is successful is doing it in one way or another on the backs of some oppressed people somewhere.  The rich of this planet aren't in any way worse than the Radchaai that took over the planet. 

Ch 5 pg 65

Odd chapters are the present on the ice planet.  Even chapters are the past on the tropical planet.

The owner of the cabin shows up.  The reason narrator is here is because the house owner has a gun that can shoot through Radchaai force fields and narrator wants to use it to kill the Radchaai emperor. 

Ch 6 pg 87

Past tropical planet. 

Guns are found.  This is bad. What's worse is they are guns that were already confiscated and put up on the ship that is out narrator. 

Also, the Radchaai emperor pays a visit and s especially rude to lieutenant Awn.  They also piss off the rich people cause the first place they visit is the poor people's temple.

Ch 7 pg 101

Present cold planet.

Injured people show up and the owner of the house doctors them.

Ch 8

Past hot planet

The emperor visits and in the midst of said visit communications are cut and rich people come down to the temple demanding justice claiming a rich person's niece was murdered by poor people.  They talk about how they know guns were placed in the lake and they claim its part of a plan by the poor people to commit violence against the rich.  

The emporer asks lieutenant awn for a private word.  Lieutenant Awn tells the emperor that this is all a rich people's scheme.  The emperor orders lieutenant awn shoot the rich.  In a usual suspectsesque moment lieutenant awn realizes the person high up that allowed for the guns to be placed in the lake must have been the emperor. Narrator shoots the rich as ordered.  The hanging Chad here is how the emperor benefits from this scheme.

Columbus day

Ch 1

Our main character is army.  Off duty in his home town.  Our setting is northern Maine USA.  Aliens have attacked.  Why northern Maine? Best guess is their ship crashed and they're waiting for a tow truck to come get them.  Main character and some coconspirators kidnap an alien.  Its described as a hamster.  But like a human hamster.  Another alien ship shows up.  They blow up the crashed ship.  Our assumption is they're picking up their people and going somewhere more important. But they send out a search party presumably to get back the kidnapped alien.  So no such luck on the leaving.  Then there's an attack. Narrator explains that its other aliens and those aliens are the real bad guys.

Ch 2 pg 17

It's a year later and bishop, that's narrator's name, is going to war on behalf of the aliens that saved them from the hamster aliens 

Ch 3 pg 32

Big chapter.  Bishop goes to a planet they call camp a or something like that.   Bishop gets in fighting shape.  Everyone is underwhelmed by the weapons they're given.  He has relations with a lady named Shauna that's a fast runner.  He gets promoted to Sargent and is shipped off to a planet they are calling paradise to steal farm land from the hamsters.

Ch 4 pg 62

Bishop is sent to guard a small farming village.  Things go well, until one of the villagers finds out that bishop had captured a hamster on earth.  The governor is coming and wants to have tea with bishop.  He's all upset at how not war the war hes doing is.  I think I dislike bishop.  Like I think hes a good person,  but I wouldn't be upset if he died.

Ch 5 pg 75

The governor tells bishop that earth is being played by the lizards.  Some wormhole shift made earth more appealing and so the hamsters bombed earth to make it less appealing.  As a result the only value earth has is to have its military forces rented out.  They meet a lot more and talk about all sorts of stuff.  At one point bishop gets pulled out and put on another base so the lizards dont find out the full extent of what he's learned.

The weather is bad.  They have a word for it that translates to musty blanket.

Ch 6 pg 93

Bishop is doing his best to earn his keep at the base.  He's told there's a lizard ship.out in the jungle some folks are gonna go check out.  He's in.  Whilst checking out the ship, a bunch of hamster ships show up and bomb the base.  Bishop is gonna fight back.  The group of 17 people make it to an armory and then up a mountain via some tunnels amd succeed in blowing up a couple troop transport ships.  Pretty soon after, the lizards return and the hamsters surrender. 

Ch 7 pg 114

Bishop is promoted to colonel because the lizards are impressed by how many hamsters he killed.  They're a warrior race through and through. The lizards are horrible in every conceivable way.

Ch 8 pg 124

Bishop is charged with planting potatoes. He's on a convoy full of soil and seeds and all his trailers are blown up.  The lizards give him orders to retaliation by killing civilians and he refuses that order.  He gets arrested for refusing that order.  Lots of people are getting arrested for refusing orders today.

Ch 9 pg 149

The hamsters attack with full force and in doing so damage the prison so that bishop and other prisoners can escape. But then they are al captured by hamsters.  Remember the governor bishop was talking to?  Turns out she's vice president of the planet and she wants bishop to come work for her as her human liazon.

Ch 10

The book goes way off the rails here. 

Bishop is in a private prison.  A door unlocks.  He goes through that door.  What looks like a beer can starts talking to him.  Long story short, its a powerful ancient AI.  It helps him steal a ship and he and the other three people that escaped the lizard prison all escape together.  They fly to a human supply post and get 20 more volunteers to be part of the mission to save earth.  The gist is the AI, that bishop names skippy, can shut down wormholes. They get to earth, they shut down the wormhole, that gets the lizards off of our planet.

Ch 11 pg 176

They successfully steal the hamster ships and then get picked up by a lizard ship and they kill all the lizards and they jump through space to a point where they think they'll get picked up by the lizards' bionic overlords.

Ch 12 pg 188

The jump is successful.  So is getting picked up by the bionics. Then its skippy time.  He takes over the ship and disabled all the bionics in less than a second.  They're gonna be on this ship for a while so they try and make it home.  That's rough for 2 reasons.  The first is the bionics are way smaller than  human beings so nothing is comfortable. The second is its all very utilitarian and its hard to settle into a place that's so sterile.

Ch 13 pg 203

Remember how skippy said the bionics could replicate food?  They cant really.  What they can make is tube sludge.  It's basically oatmeal but bad.  Skippy makes a bunch of flavors for Joe to try.  They're getting ready to try to find and go through a worm hole.  Joe is worried it will be defended.  Skippy explains that's not how wormholes work they pop up in different spots around the same area.  They know where so they can reliability use them.  But they're far enough away so no one group can monopolize them. The plan is basically they're gonna go where they know a wormhole is about to form.  If no one is there, they go on in.  If they see a other ship, they run away.

Ch 14 pg 217

They find some ships that skippy can hack to get the info he needs.  He finds out there's an asteroid that has the wormhole network control device they need to shut down the wormhole near earth.  They are trying to come up with a plan to attack the asteroid and its not going well.  They need space suits and the bionics bodies are small so they cant use theirs.  Then they realize the lizards have space suits.  But they're too big.  But skippy says he could modify them to fit someone thats 6 feet tall.  Then in a real funny bit Joe finds out that there's an armory of robot fighting machines on the ship.

Ch 15 pg 229

They make it to the asteroid and they attack.  There's this giant military base on the other side of the asteroid that's as big as the moon.  They're attacking the science base on the other side. So its important they do it fast.  It's a real military fight against a much larger force. People die.  But they get out of there and skipoy triggers the auto destruction on the way out.

Ch 16 pg 246

They go to earth.  Everyone gets to go home for a bit.  In Joe's case home is Colorado to meet with the president and then a bunch of government stooge.  They pretty much all suck ass.

Ch 17 pg 271

Skippy gets on the internet and chats with a billion or so people.  Talking to a single person is just soooooooo boring to him.  Talking to a few million people at once is more his speed.  They talk to the president about what to do about the remaining.lizards.  skippy says to evacuate the area around the bases and he can take them out woth rail guns. 

Ch 18 pg 280